Understanding Bullying and Its Impact on Kids With Learning Disabilities or AD/HD
Profile of a Bully
Boys and girls who bully do not have low self-esteem as was once thought. Bullies, in fact, may be average students or even classroom or athletic leaders. At school, bullies typically tease and taunt their victims repeatedly in a nasty way. They intimidate, make fun of, and ridicule other students. They shove, hit, kick, and push their victims around, often damaging the victim's belongings. It is common for some bullies to manipulate other kids to do their "dirty work" for them while they stay in the background and watch. Youth who do the bullying for others are referred to as "henchmen." In such cases, it can be difficult to see who the bully really is.
Bullies usually select weaker and relatively defenseless students as their targets. They have a strong need to dominate and subdue other students, to assert themselves with power and threat, and to get their own way. They may brag about their actual or imagined superiority over other students. They may be hot-tempered, easily angered, impulsive, and have low frustration tolerance. Bullies are seen as being tough, hardened, and having little empathy with students who are victimized. When confronted about their behavior, they are likely to try to talk themselves out of situation by denying they did anything wrong. Bullies often to try to place blame on their victims, saying something like, "They deserved it."
Profile of a Victim
Typical victims are children who can be overpowered (physically, mentally, or emotionally) by the bully. They are usually more anxious and unsure of themselves than other students. These children often have a negative attitude toward violence and the use of violence in dealing with others. Victims usually suffer from low self-esteem and view themselves negatively. They often consider themselves failures and feel stupid, ashamed, and unattractive. They may come to believe that they "deserve" to be bullied. They are often lonely, friendless, and abandoned at school.
In his pioneering research on bullying behaviors, Dr. Dan Olweus has described two types of victims:
The Passive or Submissive Victim
- Is nonassertive and through his actions may signal to others that he is insecure and won't retaliate if attacked or insulted
- Is cautious, quiet, or anxious
- Cries easily and collapses quickly when bullied
- Has few friends and isn't connected to a social network
- Lacks humor and pro-social skills
- May be physically weak
The Provocative Victim
- Is both anxious and aggressive
- May cause irritation and disruption around him
- Is easily emotionally aroused
- Prolongs the conflict even when losing
- **The above profiles have been adapted from
Bullying at School.
How Bullying Affects Kids with Learning Disabilities and AD/HD
If your child has a learning or attention problem, he may easily become involved in bullying situations. Let's take a look at some of the reasons for this:
- People often assume that kids with AD/HD are bullies because of their hyperactive, impulsive, aggressive, or demanding nature. According to a national survey on school discipline conducted by Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD), about 32 percent of kids with AD/HD are "egged on" by their peers to act out and get into trouble. The study found that many youth with AD/HD were victims of bullies, but when they reacted to the bully, they were punished for poor behavior and the bully was not. Without understanding the dynamics of a bullying situation, adults can further "victimize" the victims of bullying.
- Victims of bullies (especially boys) are often physically weak, over-sensitive, and have poor social skills and low self-esteem. This describes many kids with LD or AD/HD.
- Many kids with hyperactive/impulsive AD/HD are provocative victims because they annoy and over-react to bullies.
- Kids who are victimized often learn to get what they need by becoming bullies themselves. In fact, about 16 percent of kids will act as both a bully and a victim at one time or another.
