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Inappropriate kissing and touching on high school campuses


mclayborn May 13, 2008

I have a daughter in high school. Earlier this week she came home with a "passion mark" on her neck. She says she got this when she was kissing a boy at school. I had the shock of visiting her school at the beginning of the year around similar type behavior. I met with the school's dean (?) who also APPEARED surprised at the behavior that happened in the bathroom at the school. I even involved the school police. When I visited the school, I had to walk through the courtyard of the school to get to the dean's office. I could not believe what I was seeing. Children were hugged up, kissing, laying against each other on poles, and only God knows what else. Am I still living in the dark ages, or does anyone else feel like this is totally inappropriate sexual behavior. My daughter is a freshman and the main reason that I sent her to this school is because it was small. They also advertised strict supervison of students. I spoke with a friend who also has a daughter at this school (who ran away last week) I might add, after her mom called the school police to come to the school for the child's behavior, who the child told she was not going to ISS nor was she going home. She left the school right then with the school police telling the mom that she had to be gone for 24 hours before she could file a complaint. She left the school with a boyfriend from the school. During a previous conversation with this child, she informed the mother that they have a hall at school that is used for "hugging and kissing". My friend also informed me that this is not isolated to just this school. She had a son who graduated from another PB county high school last year. She says that the behavior she observed just by dropping the child off in the car loop in the morning was unimaginable. Oh, by the way, her daughter says if she chooses to have sex, she was told by "Teen Time" that she owns her body and its her decision what she does with it.  PARENTS!!!HAVE YOU ALL KNOWN ABOUT THIS AND NO ONE INFORMED ME!!! All of the structure,supervision and morals that I teach my child at home disappears when she goes to school? Is this a breading ground for sexual promiscuity for our young children? Any thoughts on how to proceed with curving this behavior? Parents, this is happening in high schools throughout this county, this appears to be the norm not the acception. Suggestions, please.

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healthy11 May 13, 2008

I don't know where you live, but I'm happy to report that my son's high school is not like yours. I'm in a suburb of Chicago. It advertises close supervision, and they provide it.
I'm involved with PTA, and have been an unannounced visitor at many times during the day/evening, and not witnessed the kind of things you described. In addition to supervised study periods, etc., my son's school even has video cameras in the halls, and it really seems to reduce the amount of "inappropriate" behaviors that occur. We have a local police officer attend all PTA meetings, and he has commented many times about how few problems we have, and how he hopes his kids can someday attend our school. The school principal also attends the monthly Parent's meetings, and lets us know what's happening to keep kids safe...For example, they use a breathalyzer for random testing at all school dances, and carrying water bottles from class to class has been banned, because they realized some kids were not just drinking water....

It seems to me that if your daughter's school advertised strict supervison of students, but isn't doing it, it's due to an administration that isn't following through, and/or the guidelines for appropriate behavior and consequences needs to be clarified. If needbe, I'd write a letter to the School Board in your district, explaining what happened, and expressing your concerns. If that doesn't result in policy changes, a letter to the editor of your local newspaper would be my next step. If you can rally suppport from other parents in your community, who feel as you do, then you're more likely to make a difference.


Anonymous May 16, 2008

WOW.....I know 'some' of that goes on at the school - but it's not all out making out, they will get suspended if they do that - my daughter is also a freshman in high school and her school is VERY strict on that and dress code.

I'll tell you what....if my daughter came home with a 'passion mark'....she'd now be tv, no cell phone, no ipod, no laptop, no myspace. Just like that and she KNOWS that. And she'd have none of that until she learned a little self-respect. But that's me :-)

I would seriously sit down with the school and ask what the REAL policy on PDA is and if it didn't mean my standards, and was still having the issues, I would look to transfer schools. I don't always advocate 'transfering' schools - but this is one of those things that I don't tolerate.

NO, you are not living in the dark ages, these kids do need to be monitored, they ARE children.


RegularStudent May 19, 2008

Now I'm not trying to scare you, but in many other places, including my school, girls and boys are going as far to having sex, some of which are freshmen, some getting pregnant. Strict parents are oblivious, and are completely dumbfounded when they find a pregnant daughter.

There's pressure everywhere from all sides to have sex. BOYS PRESSURE OTHER BOYS, then the BOYS PRESSURE THEIR GIRLFRIENDS. My friends have pressured me to go the next step with my girlfriend, but I can't even think of her in that way, her innocence. I make a joke and switch the conversation...

The best advice I can say to you is sit down with her boyfriend and just talk. I'm not saying that girls give in at different times, but combined with the media and other people, the biggest influence to her is the Boy she sees everyday. If you can change his view on things, he will be able to talk sense into her.


hopkinsatl May 29, 2008

Ahhh...teens and sex, it's an endless quandary that has perplexed us from the beginning of time and seems to continue to do so...

I'm kind of of the opnion expressed by healthy11, seems like the school administration is not enforcing and I would use the remedies suggested as well.

It's going to take a concerted effort beween the parents, school administrators and the school board to make sure this behavior is kept to a minimum, but the bottom line ids that is all starts at home. Not to say that you haven't done so, but if you equip your child with the morals, values and tools to deal with these type of situations when confronted with them, the chances are high that they will make the right choice.

However, because we are sexual beings and they are at the age of puberty and sexual awareness, they're going to try and push the envelope. If you think back to when you were a teen, a majority of us did similar things, kids are going to kiss, hug, pet and in some instances, have sex. We can't ignore this, but we definitely need to address it. Telling kids not to have sex has never worked, they're going to do it, despite what people think.

Call it "Attack of the Killer Hormones" hits some harder than most, some not at all, if you're lucky, but this behavior shouldn't be tolarated in any school.


pmwchef May 31, 2008

mayne i know i'm 15 one of the most well known ppl in my HS the kids gonna do it because they wanna do it you can only try to talk to them and see if they listen face it teens are horny and gonna do what they want u just dont know in my school its just casual its not sex all the way so its pretty laid back


mclayborn June 2, 2008

I understand hormones, puberty and all these things. But guess what? None of this is new. The main thing about this is not the fact that it is happening, but the fact that everyone either (a) feels its okay, because kids will be kids, or (b) "it does not happen at my child's school". I decided to talk with at least 5 parents from 5 different schools in my city before even mentioning the subject. Guess what? Each and every parent were well aware of the things that were going on in the schools, and had observed the same type of behavior at their child's school. But, that appears to be the problem, we still have parents who claims "that doesn't go on at my child's school", or "if my child did this or that". When we have a child in school, telling us of the pressure kids are under to have sex constantly, I think that we can take things to heart. I guess that's where my frustration comes in, we are in such denial. Yet our children are in dire need of guidance at home AND at school. Sure, we necked at school, behind the building, away from faculty, but certainly not in the middle of the school yard, and definitely not in front of adults. Reality is, our kids are not mentally nor physically prepared for the complications that come with sexual relationships. This hit extremely close to home when a friend of mine last year lost her 14 year old daughter to suicide. All because she felt she was ready for a sexual relationship with an older boy. Parents, if we do not protect our children, even if this means fighting the school systems, they are doomed for failure. Lets stop opening healthy mother healthy baby centers for our teens and fight for more prevention centers. If not, we will pay for it with our future.


coolrebel June 3, 2008

i used to go to catholic school and everyone made out in the bathroom. it happens, there's no stopping it.


hopkinsatl June 4, 2008

Yes, mclayborn, I do think we are in denial as far as admitting that our own children are becoming sexual beings and there is a sense of permissiveness in our society where we are no longer appalled at such behavior, but we shouldn't be surprised. Look at how the generations after us have been bombarded with sexual images and programming in all forms of media.

I also believe that we tend to place too many stigmas on sex, and before anyone gets their underwear in a knot about this statement, allow me to continue...

In the animal kingdom, which we are all a part of, there is no particular age set for one to begin reproduction, your body's mechanism simply indicates that you are able to do so and if you do, the consequences are either you reproduce or you don't. Since we have the benefit of applying higher learning processes to our thinking and to help govern our societies, we have decided that there must be a limit, based on chronological age to determine when one should have sex, however, nature has its own rules, as well.

We seem to be in conflict with the societal ramifications of this phenomenon and this seems to be reflected in our attitudes towards sex. We expect our children to remain virtuous and chaste, but we enter them in beauty contests, making the children appears as if they're mini-women; we have pop stars who flaunt their sexuality in shows, vidoes and music; commericals that use sex to sell just about anything, no wonder the kids are all screwed up!

I by no means, am advocating that anyone who is physically capable of having sex to do so, but we parents are sometimes naive to the thought that our children can, and sometimes will, try to explore that burgeoning side of their development.

I agree that they're not mentally prepared for the complications that sexual relationships can bring, but they are most certainly physically ready for it. Nature tells you that with the onset of puberty.

You can do your best to make sure you teach your child about how you'd like them to handle this sensitive issue, but by only promoting sheer abstinance, may not always be prudent, you have to address the fact that your child may already be active, as painful as the thought may be, and stop thinking that you're child would never do it, or that they would truthfully tell you, in the event they already have.


Anonymous June 4, 2008

I think the behaviour you witnessed at your daughter's school is appalling! A hallway used for hugging and kissing. Where are the teachers, the counselors, coaches anyone? I have never heard "it is my body and i get to decide what to do with it". My parents used to say what is this world coming to? I used to chalk it up to their age and how uncool they were but now I find myself saying the same thing. What is this world coming to??????


mclayborn June 4, 2008

THANK YOU ANONYMOUS!!! My sentiments exactly. I do not expect the school system to raise my child, I can handle that alone. However, my point is, child should not be allowed to run wild at school with no supervision, doing whatever they feel. This is not about children having sex, this is about simple supervision of children while they on school campuses. Lets say its not sex, lets just say the murderer comes to the school to kidnapp your child. If there is no supervsion, are they going to be able to tell you who took your child, or if the child voluntarily left on their own? This is the same concept. All I ask for is simple supervsion. With supervision, sex and school will not be synonomous, therefore, eliminating that worry. I dare not ask the school to raise my child, it is enough of a burden to depend on them for education. I fail to see why simple supervision in a school setting becomes such a debate. Any good parent knows that 50% of successfully raising any child, good or bad, is adequate supervision. We as parents will continue to lose the battle for our children if we do not pull together. Anything that society accepts is not always in the best interest of our children. Parents must learn to pull together to save our children. Our children will be with us until the end, again...whether "good or bad".

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