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should i let my 12 year old child date?


lexy1232 September 21, 2010

shes begging me and all of her friends are allowed and she says im being unfair. what should i do?

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mystii November 5, 2010

I have a 13 year old in 8th grade. I would not allow my child to date at 13. NO WAY! I think our kids are growing up way to fast already. All you see today is sex on TV, selling sex in magazines and being forced to listen to explicit sexual lyrics and songs about drinking and getting high on the radio.
I don't know about you, but I want to shelter my child for as long as possible from the emotional and physical pain they are going to endure growing into adulthood.

Don't forget about all the teenage drama that may arise!
I went through it once with my 20 year old. It can be painful! LOL.


jersey11 November 5, 2010

I don't see anything wrong with encouraging your child to be friends with a boy. It is a good time for her to get acquainted with the world of boys, and it can even be healthy. However, I don't see why they should "date" at the age of 12. Dating implies a step up from friendship and kids that age are not ready to deal with the demands of a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. Kids learn from their mistakes and we as parents need to help them learn from those mistakes. If we put them in a situation they are not mature enough to handle, we set them up for failure. You need to look at the possible consequences... Can she handle them? Can you? It is normal for your child to be asking this and it is also normal for her to think you are unfair for not allowing her to date yet. But you have earned the privilege to be her parent, follow your instincts and do the job!


crossbow517 November 6, 2010

My daughter came to me with the same question about 2 yrs ago. It started with "If the boy I like asks me to go to the dance with him- can I?" I told her to say "I am already going to the dance I will see you there." She and I have a good relationship and usually if I say no- I give her an explanation of my decision, and we can further discuss any issue. I've tried to teach my kids- it is all in the way you present it. I am not a parent that if I say no- it's no- I say let's talk about it. She has never really given me any backtalk about it. This falls under "I Need My Sanity" rule-- and let's face it- if Moms unhappy EVERYONE is unhappy.


mishue32 November 7, 2010

I have a 16 year old and she is not allowed to date because I sat her down and explained the birds and the bees with her and how her education comes first then boys, I would probably let her date as long as I'm the back seat driver because no boy will take her anywhere without me being right there, if you don't know anything about who she is dating or never met the boys parents then how do you know he is going to be a gentleman on this date and I'm sorry but 12 years old is way too young to date, some say I'm too strict but I'd rather be too strict and know that my daughter is safe and getting her education and is on the right path and she knows that I am right because she doesn't even like the thought of sex and she knows that I'm too young to be a grandma. She watches 16 and pregnant all the time and she sees through that program that it is not as easy as teenagers may think so I don't care what people think about me but I know that I'm raising her to respect herself and her body .


kattlover123 January 23, 2013

It's not fair that parents think that children 12 and older are like 4 year olds....I mean I understand they're just trying to protect us but maybe they should let us free sometimes we're not always going to be kids


kattlover123 January 23, 2013

and I am a kid myself I think hey should


Lisaotto January 24, 2013

12 year olds are still very young and should be focused on school and dreaming of what colleges they want to get into. Teen dating leads to boys getting in girls pants, possible pregnancies, breakups, feelings of hurt and sadness when they have breakups. Don't you think it's better to teach them school is first priority and relationships distract kids from school work. Not to mention they aren't mature enough at this age to go through these emotions. I know I wasn't ready until my 20's. I started teaching my kids you can have relationships in college. This is the time your own your own and time to explore what dating is like. If they wait hopefully they will make better choices. I came from an area where everyone had boyfriends and girlfriends in 7th grade. I could have cared less about school. I was too boy crazy. I
We started teaching our kids about college since before elementary school. Our rule about daring is they can date with group when they are 16. Have a boyfriend in college. Yes, 12 is way too young. They are still babies and do you want your baby making a baby? Not to mention catching sexually transmitted diseases like HIV. I took a bus with my sister when she was 14 and 15 to have abortions. This messed her up in her head for life.


chataugua January 27, 2013

I am not a fan of flat-out to kids just based on age on most topics, not just dating. It should be based on maturity, honesty and trust. My kids are triplets, 11 years old.

We have lived in some areas where lots of folks don't have much, w/the socioeconomic problems that go along with that. Sad to say, I know of multiple pregnancies at 12, and kids on birth control. A couple of the neighbor boys my son knows have been experimenting w/homosexual behavior (at 11 and 12). The father of one of my daughter's best friends is in prison for drug offenses.

I am a successful professional w/a good salary. I travel internationally, the kids have lived in Europe, Asia and several states in the U.S. If I were to act "better than others" where we now live and not let my children associate with those w/less, they would not have anyone to associate with.

We don't filter out what the kids learn, except in extremes... they won't be allowed to watch porn on late night TV, for example. They are not restricted on use of the Internet. But we monitor carefully what they are doing, and I am very honest with them about the potential negatives of the wrong choices. Honesty from them is non-negotiable.

The result, for us: If the kids they know make bad choices, my kids aren't a part of it. They tell me about it, knowing I will keep it in confidence, and I make adjustments at home to make sure I am watching from afar to make sure my kids aren't being influenced. I have one daughter that has never had below an A, is Talented and Gifted, is in ballet, has been published with both art and writing multiple times. All three are in various music and other programs outside of class. The closest they get to "bad stuff" on the Internet is anime that sometimes gets a little risque. None of my kids have ever even been accused of anything even close to breaking the law, none have gotten below a B in school. With all that goes on around them, they still are kids, in that they like age-appropriate cartoons, etc.

When my kids want to "date", if at 12 in a year or so, likely I will act like the stereotypical dad with the shotgun. This stuff is part of growing up, the peer pressure and hormones will happen whether I like it or not. I will know and will have met who they are dating, both genders(my son or daughters and their dates) will know what is acceptable behavior both from my perspective and in terms of potential consequences of noncompliance. I think this is much better than most other alternatives and it has worked for me so far.


dragon101 April 7, 2013

Okay I know this is an old thread, and it's been up for three years so I don't know if anyone is still here. By now you're child is probably 15, so it's definitely a different story.
However, I need to put my two-cents in for any parent that's going to read this in the future.
First off, the definition of dating. I still remember being 12. I didn't tell my parents much, because I didn't want them sticking their nose in my business. I agree with the person that said "it's time to teach them about the birds and the bees." I agree. If she is interested in dating, telling her about safe dating is a good choice.
Now, is dating just calling someone your boyfriend? When I was a kid people were calling each other "boyfriend and girlfriend" when they were 8, so I don't think that's the issue. The issue isn't even stealing a kiss or anything. Be honest, parents. When have your first kiss? Most people have it in middle school, or 11-14.
I think the real issue is drama, and sex. And yes, I've known 12 year olds to do so. So IMO 12 year olds shouldn't really go on "dates." I would never let my 12 year old to to her boyfriends house without adults. I probably wouldn't let her go to the movies with a boy unless there were other kids there too.
But try to see it from her point of view.
Oh, one more thing, if your 12 year old is growing hair, which is totally natural, she should be able to shave. I think it's ridiculous that you wouldn't let her shave, you're the reason she could be getting picked on in school.
In any case, I know most of your children are now 15 so this doesn't affect you anymore. But I just needed to say this for people reading in the future.


johnisboss April 30, 2013

yes you should, she will be teased if she is the only person without a boyfreind.

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