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should i let my 12 year old child date?


lexy1232 September 21, 2010

shes begging me and all of her friends are allowed and she says im being unfair. what should i do?

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tjlove September 21, 2010

My daughter is still preschool age so I haven't come across this yet, but I'm not a fan of giving in just because all the friends are doing it. IMO, twelve is just too young to date. But it's not too young to have a serious talk about the birds and the bees, relationships, changing bodies, etc. I would try to use this as a learning opportunity.

I've heard of some parents letting their kids do group activities only which is another way to go.

Good luck! I don't envy you but I'll be there soon enough!


ostafford September 21, 2010

I have an 11 year old who has asked the same question. She also stated that all her friends are allowed. So I spoke with some of her friends parents to see if they were allowing this. Lo and behold - none of them allowed their child to date because they all believed that their child was too young. One of the parents said going out with a group of male/female friends (with a parent present) would be the only way they would allow their child to go at this time. So this might be an option.


jbscrapper September 21, 2010

Date? Date as in a real date? As in go off by herself with a boyfriend to the movies? I don't think 12 is old enough for that. My daughter is almost 13 and she can't "date." I just recently left it up to her if she wanted to have a boyfriend. But the only difference between the boyfriend and a friend is the title. No kissing etc., no going off with them by themselves etc. I asked her why she wanted a boyfriend and what would change once said boy was her boyfriend. She couldn't tell me what would change other than she would have a boyfriend finally. So I said - okay if you would like to risks your friendships for what she even conceides are fake relationships (all they do is go out -break up - go out - break up) then go for it. I told her she was old enough to make that decision as long as she understood that it was pretty much an in name only thing. So far - knock on wood- she's decided that saying someone is her boyfriend just for the sake of saying it - isn't worth the trouble. She's seen all her little friends go out and break up and then they hate each other or the girls all hate each other for liking each others boyfriends. It's all so silly at this age.


mshultis1 October 21, 2010

NO. My daughter is 12 also. She wants to wear makeup and shave and have boyfriends. She isn't mature enough to brush her teeth without being told. My son is 14 he just broke up with his first real girlfriend its a nightmare. Who needs that drama. I had to babysit them when ever they were together or make sure her parents were home if he went there. I have more important things to do. They aren't ready to make adult decisions yet. Believe as the mother of a 14 year old boy if she would have let him he would have.


alainajane October 27, 2010

mshultis1..okay this is how your daughter feels (i would know i was her age two years ago.All the girls at her school are just getting to shave and have boyfriends..If you dont let her shave the drama would be worse than if she broke up with a boyfriend! thhe girls at school will make fun of her till she graduates even when she starts shaving! Okay atleast get her some deoderant because even the guys make fun of the smelly girls! And if you dont want to buy her a razor get her some hair removing gel!
Yes, at 12 you can be a bit irresponcible but you can atleast get her some like brown mascara that will make her happy for like a month! then show her how to put it on.. you dont know how sad she may be! and its not like her and her"boy friend" would be all over each other they are both young nothings gonna happen and if anything it would be a tiny peck on the cheek. WOW, all you guys are really holding up your daughters maturing prosses'!I feel sorry for them. But lexy1232 if you let your daughter get interested in boys at a young age more then a older age she wont be all clingy and she'll know when to say stop. But when she turns 15 Then is allowed to date, she wonts say stop because you released her into a world of hormones and she wont want to say stop. yea confusing right.?


annettahaynes October 29, 2010

no because she is to young to be dating she should be thinking about school and her future.when she finishes school and has an degree.


swordwelder October 30, 2010

I personally believe that if you if you think she is responsible enough to handle it then yes. Yes, I may only be an 8th grader, but I had my first boyfriend last year, when I was 12, but you can't exactly decide what she does. When a child is in middle school, they should be able to start making decisions for themselves. I mean, it's not like you can restrain them when they are 18 and up. Kids need to learn what and what not to do with themselves.


leslie143 October 31, 2010

What is your definition of date? Having a boyfriend at 12 that is in the same grade and same age....I feel like that at that age its just ok to see them at school. I mean, dating is for those kids that are old enough to drive, have a job, pay for movie tickets out of earned money....or at least thats my opinion. I have three girls, the oldest being 11...she knows that its not even something we might talk about until she's older....much older. Boys are not wanting to just chit chat about girl stuff they want to have sex...and thats it. I really can't even you believe you would question this


alo393 October 31, 2010

i think you should let your daughter date if u think she is mature enough to date, also if you meet her boyfriend before just to make sure he is a good kid. also do not always say no because if you do she might just end up dating without you even knowing! I'd also like to say that this really doesnt matter what all these other people are telling you its really just if u think your daughter can handle dating


MommyNae October 31, 2010

A 12 yo does not have the foresight of an adult, and is not prepared for the possibilities of going on a one-on-one date. It would be all to easy for her to be manipulated by a boy at this age. In my opinion it is a very bad idea.

I would get her involved in some kind of extra cirricular activities where she can spend time with boys and girls her age in an appropriate (non-sexual) way, with adult supervision. Being in the school band, being on the math team, or any other school or sports group would help her to learn how to interact and prepare her for when she can date.

My 13 yo daughter doesn't think kids should one-on-one date until they are at least 17. I am going to try to keep her at her word. LOL! Good luck, we all need it with raising children.

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