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SallyA September 6, 2012


My son recently started a new Middle School. During the summer we had him go to a daycamp hoping that he would meet someone that was going to the same school. On the first day of school, he did run into another student from the summer time program. The only thing is that the other student happens to be a girl. When I asked him who he sat with for lunch, the answer has been the same, with the girl that he met during the summer. My husband is concerned because he would rather that he finds other boys to sit with instead of a girl. But I don't want to tell him that he can't sit with her either. I told my husband I would rather he sit with her instead of sit by himself. I'm sure he would make more friends in time. Thoughts?

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MagnetMom September 7, 2012


Hi SallyA,

Middle school is really hard enough without worrying what gender his friends are. If he's been in school less than a week, I'd take a deep breath and talk about anything BUT who he eats lunch with. What starts as two kids becomes four or eight and suddenly they have a whole group. But it takes time for those ice breakers in class to translate into the kids realizing who they recognize during breaks.

In fact my daughter has been at her new school for four weeks, and she knew one boy from her bowling league and one girl from her orchestra (but she's in 7th grade). I quietly hoped she'd run into him and have lunch with him or nutrition or anything--just so she had a friendly face during the day. In the end, she has eaten lunch with a girl from a couple of her classes. Sometimes she chooses to read her book, or work on homework, too.

Bottom line, give the poor guy time and if it doesn't bother him, he's fine.

Good luck.

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SallyA September 7, 2012


I appreciate your response. I figured I shouldn't worry about it, especially since its so new to the school year. As long as he's happy at school, I'm good. :-)

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StacyVA September 16, 2012


I wouldn't worry about it. My oldest daughter was always friends with a mixed group of boys and girls from 4th grade on to now a Senior in high school. Your son's friend could just be one of those girls who prefers to have male friends. Nothing wrong with that.

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SallyA September 16, 2012


He had gotten into four "Accelerated" classes this year. Basically the majority of his required courses were accelerated. His only "regular" classes are P.E. and Computers, which was an elective. The girl that he made friends with are also in the same four accelerated classes. So they connect that way as well. I guess with the accelerated classes its a lot of the same kids that he sees that goes from one to the next. When I pick him up after school I am seeing him play with other boys. So when I told my husband that it seemed to alleviate any concerns that he may have had. He still hangs out with her. But as long as he has other friends that are boys I think my husband feels better.

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kenyadee September 16, 2012


My son is in 5th grade and one of his friends at school is a girl. They spend a lot of time together during aftercare. The important thing is that he has someone he feels comfortable spending time with! Friends come in all packages - I wouldn't tell him he can't sit with someone just because it happens to be a girl.

Since your son is new to this school, I would celebrate the fact that he has found someone he knows and isn't alone. School can be so isolating if you feel like you have no friends. In time, he will expand his circle, and hopefully keep this friend, too. Good luck.

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SallyA September 16, 2012


I think you're right, I have to agree. Really one of my main concerns about switching him to a new school was him finding someone to connect with. And if it happens to be a girl that is in four of his classes, its ok. :-) After reading all of the responses there really wasn't any cause for concern at all.

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TeacherParent September 18, 2012


The times has passed when boys and girls couldn't be just friends - in my long ago day girls and boy couldn't be just friends - if we tried to be, our peers would make so much of it that we'd give up and be friends in secret. In those days, boys were just friends with a girl were thought weak - girls weren't for being friends with.

But that's changed. Some boys would love to be in your son's position and be able to have a girl for a friend - some boys are still way too shy to be able to be friends with a girl.

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SallyA September 18, 2012


I guess my husband, sorry being kinda of an old school, kind of thinker was thinking that if he was seen as having a girl as a best friend that he was "weird". That it meant that other boys would look at him like, hm, why is he always hanging out with her? Or else might think, ohhhh they must "like, like" each other. When I talk with him I don't think its that kind of relationship. Just friends. But its been his first friendly face that he connected with. So guess he was just drawn to her that way. He has started making other friends. He just hasn't disconnected away from her which really isn't a horrible thing.



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