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What is the best approach to handle middle school age kids bullying my daughter


Anonymous October 13, 2009

my daughter just went to middle school and is being bullied by a group of girls. She is scared to say anything to them. She lets them talk about her at lunch and she says her life is like a black whole ever since she started middle school. How should i tell the principal without losing my daughters trust

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healthy11 October 13, 2009

I'm wondering if you were to call your daughter's counselor and ask to have her lunch period switched, would that help? I know middle school is often the worst time for girls, and I highly recommend getting the book "Queen Bees and Wanna Be's." You should also join Greatschools Bully Prevention Group at


TeacherParent October 14, 2009

Middle school is hard. I'm not sure I'd jump to talking to the principal - how large is the school? In a larger school, principals often have a lot on their plate. Does your daughter have an advisor? Is there a guidance counselor? Who supervises the lunch room?

And - does your daughter have a circle of friends of her own or is she new to the school?


eaaraque October 14, 2009

If she is physically getting pushed around then I recommend you get involved by contacting the school. However, if its just words I suggest the following; have her speak up and informed them she does not appreciate them making fun of them. You can practice and home by role playing. I did it with different situstions w/ my kids and it builds their confidence to address the problem. However, if unable to do that, she needs to ignore it and do her best to stay away from them and stay close to her friends. Most bullies love to see reaction, so if she ignores them, it will go away. Good luck


Avasmom7 October 14, 2009

You need to find a way to help your daughter feel empowered. She needs to seek out her own friends and maybe tell her teachers and the lunchroom monitors about what is going on. She also needs to be protected. Perhaps you can have her take a class in self defense? & As far as her trust in you is concerned, if you don't tell the principal, isn't that breaking the bond? I would think that maybe she went to you to solve the problem, no? Sit down and discuss this issue. How many girls are there? Are they threatening her? Do they follow her around? Are they in any classes with her? What things are they saying about her? & How did this all begin? How would she feel if you spoke to the principal and others? What could be the consequences if nothing is reported?
I went through this in junior high school, and I was bullied because I was afraid to fight back and I never told anybody. I didn't have anyone to turn to. So I really feel for your daughter and you.
Please let us know how this all turns out. I wish you the best.


karisa October 15, 2009

Always stick up for you children and report it! Get her in a self defense class not because she needs to learn how to fight, but to empower her and give her self confidence. Ignoring almost never works and is not a solution to any problem. Your school is required to handle these situations and can give you advice on how to solve this problem.


MamaFay November 3, 2009

I have been in that situation, first as a bullied child myself, and years later, as the parent of a child who felt bullied.

Bullying is a difficult subject. Because you indicate that telling the principal would "lose your daughter's trust," I assume she has said that she doesn't want you to tell the principal. There are several potential reasons for that: (1) She may be embarassed if a parent has to intervene, making her feel like a "baby;" (2) She may fear an increase in bullying if the bullies find out that parent intervened; or (3) She may not be telling you the whole story. It could even be a combination of reasons and not just one.

As hard as it is to see your child struggle or feel pain, except in extreme cases (physical abuse by the bullies or clinical depression of your child, such that she becomes incapable of coping and functioning), I favor letting the child make the decision on how to deal with it. You can talk to her, reassure her, suggest options, etc. However, these are the types of situations she ultimately must learn to handle for herself. That is part of growing up. If she does not want you to talk to the principal, respect her wishes unless there is physical harm or her ability to make decisions is severely (more than normal for the age!) impaired by the situation.


BarbaraBeck November 3, 2009

Bullying at middle school age can be very physical if 'ignored'...would you ignore a festering wound and hope it will 'go away'? it will not. You do have to call the school... your child needs an adult at that location who is looking out and intervening for her. And you might explain to her that the bullies themselves also need help. If thier bullying goes unchecked it gets worse and when they are grown ups,,,well, our prison systems are FULL of bullys...


jennyhenry October 6, 2010

Abuse is abuse. Should it matter if it is verbal or physical? As far as I am concerned one will usually lead to the other and should never be tolerated. Not reacting to the bullying should be a choice that should be talked over with both you and your daughter. If she decides that she can ignore it without it truly effecting her true self then that is her choice and making a decision to just say "so" to these girls will empower her. If this is not discussed (and I do mean discussed) this is setting a path for her to just tolerate abuse in any future relationships that she may have and this not what you want for her! Please ask her what it is that they are saying and why it is that their opinion should matter. Help her develop self-respect as this is the key to setting her free from the hassles of life's unnecessary challenges. Hey, you are the mom and can do this in any corny way which you please! *Place post-it's around the house with little notes of encouragement. Just by learning to like who she is will prevent the trap of her trying to evaluate who she is not and why these girls are picking on her. When a young girl simply likes who she is the other "stuff" will not matter and believe me other girls know who they can and cannot get to. Help her appreciate her unique self. She must learn to respect herself and expect it from others. To value herself and to walk away from those that do not value her. So many girls are taught to make excuses for the behavior of others and in the process suffer. Practice with her out loud (be silly) "She matters, what they think or say does not" and so on. And have her ask herself the question; Are these the type of girls that she would even want to hang around with? She has the right to choose who she does and does not want in her life, this is her power to have and hers only. In learning to like, really like who she is, her life will become so much less complicated and so much more fulfilling! She can and will overcome this with your help and her newly gained self-respect will be something that will stay with her always : ) Be well and take care!

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