You've got to be freaking kidding. It sounds like motherhood is just a bit beyond your intellectual and emotional capabilities. You should get some help -- first for yourself and then for your son. 82677
no there is help you must get and educational evaluation from the school but you must request this in writting and then if you do not agree with the finding have your pediatric doctor send you for a psyco evaluation and a nuerologist so they can determine if thid behavior has to do with a disability this was the only way i could help my 16 year old who is in high school and has one more year to graduate school with a gold regents diploma which allows him to attend city ,state and universities82029
I know what you are going thru right now, cuz I am going thru the exact same thing. I even went so far as to see how many different military schools are near my town and got the phone numbers for them. I have had my 6 year old in counseling and that's not working so far. He is still having the issues. He even told his teacher that he had a voice in his head telling him what to do. He finally confessed to me that he lied about that so that he wouldn't get into trouble for hitting a boy at school. I tell you it's quite interesting when you get that phone call. My son's friend told him to say that so he wouldn't get in trouble. Now going through all the counseling and everything and the teachers all thinking my son is now crazy we are still at a loss and I'm still not sure how to go about this. He has a father figure in his life a good father figure, a man that is totally respectful of everyone around him and he is still pulling the same stuff. He is not an only child. We actually have a rather large family, there's 4 girls and 2 boys and another on the way. unsure of sex of baby yet. But he seems to be the only one having these issues. Can anyone give me a clue as to what to do. cuz pretty much all the advice that was givin to the other lady i've already done. I don't know where else to go.. or what to do next? The counselors are even at a loss.. When I thought they had all the answers to this stuff.. lol they don't.. 63634
My son is 8 and I went through the same thing. After persuing testing he was diagnosised with ADHD. Doing behavioral modification over the past two years has helped. Redirecting him and understanding his diagnosis was the light to help me deal with everything. Hang in there.15358
Two answers: 1) Check out the program 'the Total Transformation' available online. They have a free trial program that last for a month that I would encourage you to use. 2) As stated below, try and get some positive male family authority figures around your son.
--Number one is easy, just go online and order it. Either have a copier handy or be ready to fork over the $300 for the program once the month trial ends. --Number two doesn't work to change behavior as quickly, but in the long run is much better. Your son is just starting school. You don't mention being a single parent, so I won't assume that you are. But being married, and having a positive male figure are two different things. I know kids who had borderline abusive fathers, but had fathers nonetheless. Having a firm but loving male family member tell you something is very different from having a mother tell you. Moms make an effort to sound loving and nice. Men in general, do not. We like that type of no-nonsense talk. I talk to my son the same way, just not around his mother. Society and the media fill us with all these stereotypes of what it means to be a man, but then children get conflicting messages at home that show them uncertainty of how to grow up being one. I make sure my son knows exactly what he is supposed to do and how to act in certain situations. His mother can tell him, just be 'yourself' and other platitudes all she wants, but I make sure he knows what other men expect out of him in those situations. Men like knowing what is expected of them, that way we can prepare for it. The male persona values 3 things above all, 1) being prepared for every circumstance, 2) being strong enough to handle situations he's not prepared for, and lastly 3) money to afford getting him out of whatever can't be handled by one and two. Almost everything we do can be put into one of those categories. Nothing changes when we get married and have kids, all we do then is prepare family instead of ourselves, look for ways for family to be more self-sufficient, and then lastly all work together to raise families financial awareness.
You know what? All of this is way off on a tangent from what you asked. All of that applies to older kids. Getting back to your question, don't send him to military school. At his age, there is no issue that has become so firmly ingrained that you need military school to shock him out of it. All he will get is shock and trama from being sent to such a harsh place. He is still young enough that most of his identity comes from you, his parents. Kids that age only know about the world through what you tell them, with your words and actions. You need to examine yourself to see what or how your responses to the environment are telling him would be the correct response. He can only know as much as what you tell him. If you are going through a difficult situation, he might not be able to understand the details, but he can certainly understand that you feel lost, scared, or overwhelmed by the problem. If his anchor feels that way, how do expect he will react? If he sees that discipline is all talk and no substance, why is it wrong if he responds to it in the same way? He will listen and say what sounds correct, but never do anything to link his actions to his words. Sit with your son, talk to him about what he wants to talk about. It may take awhile. Eventually they will bring up what they really want to talk about. Kids at his age want answers, they just need to feel secure in asking the question. Once he feels like you're really listening to him, he will be picking your brain instead of picking on the other kids. Don't take every question as having to do with you. One day my 4 yr old (now 6) asked me about what happens when we die, and told me he didn't want me to die. I started wondering whether or not my wife was planning on killing me for insurance. Turns out, we saw a dead bird in the park and during the course of the conversation I told him that seasons change and everything dies eventually. He later reasoned that I could be dying as soon as the winter time. You can believe I'm a lot more careful what I say now.15360
I had been were you are ....single mom until my son was 10. It can be hard on you both. By having to work, sometimes two jobs+ to make ends meet, I did not see that my being away from him had some part of "why" he was having his "outburst of anger" as he was.(Only the tip of it in, my case...maybe different in yours.) But I did have to work, sole-provider, his dad did not pay a thing. *** I do thank my mom for her help though...needed it countless times!
One incident, of my son's "outbursts" , like your son's, for example....My son (5, then) had found a lighter at a neighbor-friend's home...brought it home...crawled under his bed...as not to get caught...played with it...and did set the box mattress on fire...he was very lucky to have not burned himself up. Discipline was given.
These instances could not be explained by my son, he was doing great, grade-wise in school, some discipline problems in school, more so, at home! ...he knew that playing with fire was wrong for one, but, was not equipped enough at that young age to put words to these "sporadic-burst of anger", and tell me the real reason for him doing what he was doing. I was so frustrated with him.
Had you sought counseling for your son? Sometimes it was easier on my son to talk to others about issues than to talk to me. Counselors, (even an Aunt, Uncle, school counselor) are great people and can possibly get to the issues of what the problems may be, w/o judgment, and may be capable of getting your child to be able to express the "whys" , he finds hard to put into words to you.
Have you requested that his school have him tested to see if he may be advanced for the grade he is in, now... is he bored ? Could it be that he may need to be challenged more, even if it has to come from you, and outside activities that you can set up, to spark his interests? 4H groups...Science clubs...music lessons?
Doctor's evaluation for ADHD... ADD...etc...could it be that it may not be his decision whether he can concentrate in school or not?
MOST IMPORTANTLY... Is there a male figure in his life that could influence him, and build up his self-esteem? His father...is he involved? *****If your answer is yes to this ...there is no need to read the rest of my "MANUAL".....lol If no....some OF WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SAY MAY BE THE CAUSE, and you choose what you want out of my advice, below:
....My son and I were lucky enough to have this male influence. The "outbursts" started, when he was around 3 or 4 yrs. old, and started when he began preschool. I did notice his anger issues, but did not do anything about it. I'd make excuses for it, until he was around 5, and the "outburst" worsened, in Kindergarten. I had to seek help at that time.
My brother-in-law's involvement did change my son for the better, when I HAD finally allowed him into our lives, more. Out of all the other things listed that I did do, adding the male influence, was the one thing that seemed to be the key to solving my son's issues. ( Counseling..secretly, even from my family... for myself, to help with my open bitterness towards all men was the other).....again, this was only in my case...may be different for you and your son, Skip the rest of this, if this is not your case.
The outbursts did stop for us, when... my brother-in- law, started to become more involved...me less. He would take him hunting with him/taught him how to use a compound bow/didn't miss a single tee-ball game for nothing...my son, I think at times, did not even know I was there. He became the part of my son's life that apparently was missing for him. After all, he was a male!
As a single mom, I did feel that I was put into a position to where I was constantly trying to prove to everyone out there that I could raise my son, just as good as anyone else, ALONE. In my case...my son now 18,...looking back in those days, single-parents were more scarce as seen today, I felt as if I was being "put under a microscope", daily, and critically judged for each move I made, because I was that single mom...."there had to be a reason for this, right?" (That attitude is still out there...I have seen it.) I couldn't make his father be a father....so I swept that need under-the-rug. Couldn't fix it...why broach the issue, and prove that everyone who was "critical" of our life, right,I thought! She did fail.
Did it ever occur to me, when, at preschool, ALONE, when the children were making puppets of their "daddy", or at flying kites with daddy day...and more, that my son, chose at those moments, to "act out", and the obvious reason, as to why? He did not have a father, and "super-mom" could not be Dad! Having to try and answer the questions from classmates as to "why" he did not have a father, was an issue that I thought could be swept under that rug, and forgotten! WRONG!!! He began at 3, to tell kids his dad was dead!
MOREOVER, the preschool, and schools, with their insensitivity to children like my son, when doing projects like these! Could I keep sweeping this issue under a rug? (I did try for a while, until he was 5)
It was a little sad for me to see my own selfishness, on my part, now. I wanted and needed to be that super-parent, who out of my own bitterness, did not want help, especially from the opposite sex! Sweeping the issue, under that rug, was the only way I thought to handle something out of my hands. Made me more bitter to say the least, when my son acted up, and I was left to try and deal with this myself, not his Dad! My son had to sense this bitter attitude of mine, toward men in general...probably even heard some of it. ....How does this bitterness toward all men, from a mother who claims to love her son, A MAN...make any sense? ......... "I am a man too? How can mom love me?"...was what my counselor had told me to picture my son, saying to me one day. She had been very straight-forward. The truth did sadden me. I knew day was coming too. I could not buy my way out of this with that new toy...slap a band-aid on it, or continue to do as I was doing... then! (I do thank that counselor, everyday of our lives for this!!! I almost grant this counselor does not even give thought to what her words did for us...it did change from that day on!)
To change myself was hard, and to ask for my brother-in-laws help for us both, even harder. Even if they were just sitting and playing video games together,... I could see the connection there! I was so busy, voluntarily wrapping my world around his material needs, not the emotional ones . I did not date...I worked as many hours as I could to make sure he had all of what any other child had, he would have....I spent every hour that I had left in my day, with him. WHAT I WAS DOING UP TO THE POINT OF ASKING FOR HELP, DID NOT CHANGE THE ANGER OUTBURSTS IN MY SON, IGNORING THE OBVIOUS PROBLEM WAS ONLY MAKING IT WORSE!!
Male influence is essential for male children of mother-ran, single parent homes. Swallowing the bitterness, and placing that ignored need of my son's, first, made all the difference! I let my brother-in-law become that super-hero, that I only wanted my son to see me as! All I had heard was "uncle tony", said this...."uncle Tony" he would do this that way.... MY SON'S ANGER WAS GONE!!!! My son became whole and happy. I too became a more happier person. Those puppets from preschool?....actually started to resemble a "true" person for the first time in my son's life! HIS GREAT UNCLE TONY!!!!
A male's influence helps a boy, growing up in a mother-only, single-parent family, identify with his own worth as a man, and builds up their self-esteem.
To sum this up. I think you do sound like a great mom! You are the one who knows your son better than anyone else, and make your decision on what you feel is best for him. I can only tell you of my own experience, as that single mom of my first son, your situation may be totally different. You do deserve recognition for wanting to fix your son's problems, that I couldn't see w/o help, from the "outside", so to say!! I do admire you for it. If you can afford Military school, and this is your choice, do it ,if you think it to be the best,for your son.
Sorry to everyone for being so winded...lol I get very passionate on subjects like this from my own experience. I joined this site, just to see questions like this one, and the love shown in questions like this. Coming onto this site, viewing so many questions from so many, about zillions of questions, EACH CONCERNING THEIR LOVE FOR THEIR OWN CHILDREN AND STUDENTS, shows so much hope in this country of ours, to me. Too much worry nowadays over the economy....global warming...every thing on the news, basically. This site, does prove to bring a little sign of hope, and a good feeling about our children's futures.15361
Behavioral issues in a six year old, in my experience, is often due to learning difficulties or ADD or ADHD. I say this from the prospective of seeing kids at school of different ages. When I was coaching kids with intensive reading, there was one child who was always being sent to the Principal for bad behavior. I never had a problem with him apart from the fact his attention span was short. He was always getting into trouble and his teacher kept picking on him, which was further backed up by his Principal. I found this extremely sad as he was an amazing child,very bright, and very thoughtful, but the school system was destroying his wonderful character and he was becoming depressed and isolating himself. It broke my heart to see him like that. Unfortunately he had a teacher that did not allow him to use his mind in a constructive way, and he would get bored and have to move. It then created a bad feeling between his teacher and himself, and he started to think he was bad. I would praise him and offer him support to help him to concentrate a little harder. If your son is getting enough sleep, which is often over ten hours at his age, proper nutrition (without food additives), water, and exercise, it may be time to ask him about school. Is he being bullied or picked on. You also need to remember that some teachers can also be abusive. If your son feels loved, SECURE, told that he is indeed special, and knows that you are there for him, you may see the behavior start to change. Good parenting is essential and kids have to know their boundaries, which means letting your no mean no, and your yes mean yes. Confusion will also lead to disharmony. As a single parent, I know it is tough, but your child has to learn when it is time to play and when it is time to work, for his sake and yours. Children also act out if they feel they need attention, which if this is the case, then he needs some alone time with you playing games with him, so that he feels he is being rewarded for good behavior. This strategy works and a problematic child can be turned into an angel within a couple of weeks. I had a neighbor's child who always played up and I asked him one day if he likes being naughty, and he said he did. Then I knew I was dealing with a child who behaved badly to get attention, so I ignored his bad behavior and praised him when he was good. I would also reward good behavior if he was ever in my house with a treat. That may have been to go on a bike ride with my children and I, or to go out on a day trip with us. He was so well behaved whenever he was with us, and the bad attention seeking, had been reversed. Positive attention is vital at this age. I get so frustrated when teachers offer punishment as a means to get a child to behave, because it doesn't have to be that way. I see it often in schools because it is easier for a teacher to remove a child from the classroom than what it is to find out the problem. Children aren't listened to enough. My advice to anyone bringing up children in the home or classroom, is to try to remember what it was like being a child; how lonely it can be sometimes; how frightening it can be; how exciting it can be; but ultimately, how poweless some adults can make you feel. If someone is holding lots of negative power over your son, it will result in bad behavior, and he will grow up with very negative emotions and very low self esteem. If the negative emotions don't change then the result is likely to be a very bad one for the rest of his life, with often bad relationships because he will have learned about bullying behavior from others, and he will have learned that he is a bad person and may be unloveable. You have the power and the ability to stop this right now, and turn your son into a productive member of your family and the community. Let him know you are behind him, supporting him, loving him, and giving him the security and positive feedback he will desperately need. It is not too late at this age. If his problem is the teacher, then ask for him to go into a new class. Good luck.15362
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