What you can do to stop bullying

"As one who was majorly bullied back in 1969-1972,I still haven't forgotton the cruel raviges of one Christy H.from 8th-12th grade. She was verbal mean and abusive,and would dig her talon fingernails into the back of my neck,then laugh cruelly.She was one of 'THE' popular crowd,so the teachers turned a blind eye,and a deaf ear. I HAVE forgiven her,and pray she isn't in a positian to torment others,even at 55."

"my daughter is a 10th grader this year and some ofher freinds from before are no longer her freinds and they get others not to be her freind, my daughter skipped her last period class to speak to the principal about this,never notifying me (parents) the constant talking about her continues one girl threw a tissue at her in class,principal again notified, a note got put in one of the bullies backpack, they were quick to assume it was my daughter, the principal put all these girls together in a room with no supervision verbal words were exchanged..but where was the principal in all this, how far do you let this go,my daughter a strong willed girl refuses to let them win she goes to school continuassly, i thonk i am worried more, speaking to principal today i am so furios this has gone as long as it has..what do we do"

"Bullying, a problem, yes. I believe bullying and peer pressure begins with the the schools and teachers 'activities' that can lower self esteem. Im thinking the teachers cant recognize the harm their certain activities can have on a young mind."

"So what is your conclusion? You left me on a cliff-hanger. No help at all"

"I think that bullying is not right, because you all have the right to be to yourself, to be in controll of our self. Who is they to call you out your name, who is they to tell you that you are nobody, Who is they to tell you what to do and when to do it or even how to do it. It's time to take a stand and at bullying and make it stop now. what do you want peace or haterd. Take a stand for onece in your life. I was a vitim at being bulled all the time. But now i am taking a stand to what's right!by helping other kids that are being bulled, you could be the next person that i help next!lets put an end to bulling starting today."

"My son is 5 years old and he just started going to kindergarten. He has gotten a few bad notes sent home because of hitting and not keeping his hands to himself. Would he be considered a bully? He has so much energy and sometimes I don't know what to do. I'm 23 yrs. old and he is my first baby. The daycare provider says that he is a perfect angel, but of course school is different.Does anyone have any advice?"

"First thing, schools need to take a no tolerance stance and have clear, effective discipline protocols in place. The bullies need to have a clear message that their business must stop now! This halts bullying in the immediate term, leaving room for the education efforts on prosocial behavior and bystander responsibility and safe school environment to gradually infuse the school culture. Too many experts are emphasizing the softer side first. Meanwhile bullies continue to get away with it and victims continue to suffer. Our family has had direct experience with lots of school communication and programs to prevent bullying. They just don't work if the school does not emphasize the hard side of enforcement as well."

"Parents, watch your children at school, get there without notice and find out. My son had a teacher who started the bulling, I found this teacher addressing my son with an abusive language making fun of him in front of other kids. Parents and teachers look at kids reaction, but nobody find the cause. Kids are treated as criminals, and most of time the bulling start by LACK OF RESPECT from caretaker to the child parents or teachers. This teacher use other children to attack the one he irrationally hates. Yes, teachers are humans and they also hate and destroy self-esteem on children. I discovered the how a hateful teacher can damage a child on early stage. Just on time to to act, and remove my son from this hell, here in Fort Worth Texas."

"well my grand daughter was constantly being bullied by a boy until i had enough after her coming home saying he hit her in the mouth , told principal he sat there and said oh he is flirting, and when i insisted this has to stop or i will file police report he actually started getting upset with me saying well if u do it will be out of my hands, so i never filed hoping he would solve this.The bully had alot of pink slips and my grand daughter none..the principal made my grand daughter feel like she was lying and felt with drawn until she decided no i am not the victim and i will prove it she question this bully in frt of principal which this should be his job. proving what book hit her and what color and asked principal to look in the locker and it was the bullies locker they found it..the principal never called me to say i am very sorry i shunned u and didnt believe u i will listen more closely to parents haha right . before all this the principal was going to give my gran! d daughter and the bully pink slips this is caught by one of the teachers who sd no u arent giving her a pink slip for being a victim..."

"Bullying is extremely damaging to the bully and the victim. Your article indicated that bullying is often a sign of problems at home; abuse and/or poor supervision at home and lack of self esteem. Bullying needs to be stopped. However, publicly humiliating the bully is not the answer. Helping the bully address his or her behavior and personal or family issues and learn alternative responses will help both the bully AND the victim. Subjecting people to public humiliation rarely improves any one's self esteem. If schools address the bully's problems of abuse and neglect the bully can begin to learn to respect him/herself as well as other students and the cycle of abuse can be broken. "

"As a parent of a second grade girl, IN PRIVATE SCHOOL PARTLY BECAUSE OF THE FEAR OF BULLYING, I urge every school to adopt a ZERO-TOLERANCE bully policy. These unfortunate economic times may force my daughter into public school, and bullying is worse for those who come from Christian or Catholic schools and enter public education. I was utterly shocked myself, many years ago, at the behaviors tolerated in public school. My daughter and I discuss bullying each time we watch The Bridge to Terabithia. In response to the movie, she is amazed that children are permitted to behave in such a mean-spirited way at school, and has asked why are there no adults present during recess and lunch breaks to control injust behavior. She is fortunate now, but as corporate displacements continue, she may be forced into the undesired social environment of public school."

"No one gives advise when the school does not address the bullying. Could you please further this, as to what to do if your school does not stop the behaviour. "

"This wasn't very helpful. What would be helpful are some real ideas on how to help the victims and not focus on the bullies. I am a parent of kids who are bullied and they go to a school that doesn't take bullying very serious. An aritcle on what real and practical things you can do as a parent to try and empower your child would be helpful. Bullies do fail later in life == if you're older, you've seen it. But that doesn't help kids going through bullying. It is painful. Parents of bullies always seem to turn a blind eye to things. Also, younger kids who are bigger are a real target for shorter older kids. Somehow, the schools tend to think that bigger boys (some can be rising around 6 foot in 6th-7 th grade) should be more mature allowing older shorter kids to get away with a lot. I actually looked on your links. They seemed mostly geared for teachers. I am a parent and would be very interested in something I could do to 'arm' my child with good self esteem and tact! ics for bullying. Thank you."

"help needed here too in VA...a parent is bullying another child by way of slander and her threatening presence at the school all the time...the school won't do anything but restrict this child, but the parent is running her mouth, lying and saying all kinds of things so that this kid is shunned by other students...my own son who has been friends with him with no problems forever is now being mean to him because the other kids won't play with him because he's friends with this child....his mom is ready to move because of this other parent who has done everything but...gossip is bullying...slander is bullying...its not just KIDS who hurt other kids but PARENTS of other children too...if you think your kids don't listen while you talk about another parent or child think again...the school bus driver refuses to allow this child on 'her' bus...and has said this very publicly to many parents IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN!!! there is no basis besides an ax to gring between two adults...! where does this end? how do you end this type of abuse...the law isn't equipped to handle it...and to top it off the child is bipolar/adhd so he's supper sensitive to this crap...if anyone has suggestions let me know...I am going to the school this week and complaining about the other parent and the effects but have very little hope in shutting this woman up as she hasn't directly made threats or anything like that...she just spreads lies, conjecture and untruths...if a student did this they would be stopped immediately...but what to do with a parent who does this in front of any and all?"

"How do you deal with a group of parents who enjoy alienating your child. My child is extremely playful and fun- he is a normal bouncing 6 year old not any different than the other kids. My neighbor for years has labeled him and works very hard at excluding him. Yet, my child keeps knocking on their door trying to play with her child. She tells him maybe tommorow and then the next day she is busy with someone else. It has been claimed this mother is a control freak- and is - but to go to such extremes to exclude a child , label a child and to purposely teach her own child to say cruel things to a child in order to make her child and self look better - is cruel and a much older version of a bully . This parent invites other children -while my child is playing with them - and invites the parents over to her home- what is so absurd is the parents go - these parents go - how akward to have someone be so deliberate and yet watch grown parents also follow someone with such o! bvious intentions. I have older children and many mature parents that are friends- I have never met someone so intentional and such a grown up bully - I don't know how to deal with this woman and her backup and how do I keep her from affecting my child at his school?"

"very helpful in validating my reactions. my son and his classmate were hit in the genitals on purpose yesterday by and older boy. I reported it to the headmaster and he was appropriate in dealing with the bully. My son did not report it because I think he was unclear and confused about the boundaries. maybe he was embarrassed too."

"In this recent school year, the light came on that we had taken all of the childrens power away to stand up in a non violent, caring, supportive way for themselves and others. This needs more attention and we as adults, teachers, mentors need more information like this to help empower our children and to help those that are bullying to understand their own behavior does not get them what they are looking for."

"I am with 10-29-07, My daughters school clearly doesn't have this 'Zero Tollerance' policy. If the teacher didn't hear it or see it, 'it' didn't happen or they can't do anything about it. We have a boy who is in the 5th grade who has been in trouble and kicked out multiple times a year since 1st grade. They continue to do nothing. We have called the police and they also do very little. any suggestions?"

"I have 2 children and I think that when a child gets beat up and the school refuses to do anything constructive, he/she should be taken to a doctor and the police should be called (even if there are no obvious injuries) because that's what you would do if your child were attacked out in the neighborhood or in the city. What else can you do? Maybe a confrontation with a police officer will scare the bully straight."

"Our school has a zero tolerance policy. Teachers have a curriculum they incorporate regarding relational aggression. The principal's daily message to the kids incorporates a message about social interactions. We have parent gatherings/forums to discuss things going on at school and ways to help our children through situations. Bullying still exists at our school but there is much dialogue about it. I'd like to think that some of the 'mystique' is removed since the whole school seems to know the lingo, 'aggressor, target and kid(s) in the middle' ... I don't think it will ever go away, but I do think there are ways to deal with it and to lessen the impact for all involved. "

"Maybe we were lucky, maybe God had a big hand in it (of course he did), maybe it's my son's personality, maybe it's because we had good support from his schools, teachers (except for his 3rd grade teacher, who, I'm convinced, was the reason the bullying started), and administrators, maybe it's the way we taught him to handle bullying--I'm sure it was not just one thing but a combination of all those things. I am also sure that our son, who was bullied starting in about 3rd grade up until 8th grade, is now a fairly normal, well-adjusted (for an 18-year old in this day and age) teen. He has always been very bright, with a large vocabulary, and he has always and will always march to his own drum and that is part of what started the bullying in the first place. Other kids just didn't 'get' him. In 3rd grade, a boy came up behind him on the playground and pulled his feet out from under him, and he landed face first in the sand. Another boy in 7th grade used to run up to my son an! d scream 'freak' in his face in the hallway between classes--something that would disturb almost anyone. That same year, I also witnessed him being teased and bullied by several students while he was walking about a block from the school as I was driving towards them. I knew he was going to be OK when he walked past them, got in the car, crossed his arms, and said, rather disgustedly, 'They are soooo immature.' One of the things we taught him and talked to him about constantly is that it was not his fault or his problem or anything he did; it was the other kid's problem. We taught him that the bully was probably insecure and scared and possibly had an unstable and unhappy home life and that our son was just fine the way he was (and still is) because he had a happy, loving home. We also taught him to try to forgive and go on with life because life was too short to hate all the time. Now don't get me wrong, there were plenty of times that I was the one who didn't want to forg! ive the bullies, but my son consistently did--often to our cha! grine. O ne thing we learned is that it gets better in high school. He goes to a school where there are almost 3600 students from grades 9 through 12, and what we and he learned is that there were just too many kids who were too busy with high school life to bother with bullying him. We also learned that there were many more kids like him so he just didn't stand out anymore. Don't get me wrong, I really worried that it would get worse in high school because the school was so big, but it was just the opposite. He just sort of blended in. He also became a member of the marching band, and he has loved it, not just because he loves to play the sax but because it is a smaller group within the larger one, and he has a place to belong and be surrounded by other kids like him. He also took martial arts when he was younger, and although he is very much a pacifist and doesn't like to fight, he knew that if he had to, he could at least defend himself. He also learned that it was only to be used! to defend himself if it was absolutely necessary. Another thing we taught him was to be able to laugh at himself and to laugh along with the bully or even beat him to the punch (no pun intended). If you can do that, you can disarm the bully in many cases. You take away the amunition they were going to use to make fun of you, and they don't know what to do, and sometimes they just walk away. It worked more times than not for our son. In the process, he learned to be forgiving and compassionate for the less fortunate, and he learned not to take himself too seriously--or to take seriously the nasty hurtful things other people may say. He is now 18 years old and a senior. He has good self esteem, he is confident (sometimes to a fault), and he is strong in his compassion, his convictions, and his faith in God. He likes country/western music and dancing as well as swing dancing, he knows how to do some ballroom dancing, he listens to Celtic and bagpipe music (he has always wante! d to learn how to play bagpipes), he like to sing, he likes to! wear bo ots and jeans, he likes to cook, he likes to play computer games, and he wants to be a quantum physicist or study ancient languages in college. Best of all, he likes all of this stuff and he doesn't care what anyone else thinks or whether they like it or not--he just knows he does and so do his closest friends, and that's all he needs and it's good enough for him."

"My daughter was bullied in 7th grade, and the principal said,'I can't put a tab on her and follow her around everyday.' I replied, 'You don't need to follow her around. Take care of the one who is bullying my daughter and half the seventh grade girls.' That was in 1979; recently, at the same middle school, the superintendant was asked what could be done about bullying. He replied, 'Well, there's just always going to be some bullying.' I lost respect for him at that point. While it's true that there will always be some kind of bullying, his approach to accept that and do nothing is unacceptable. Much can be done if those in charge will take their heads out of the sand."

"Do you have information on how to do with an adult bullying children at school? My child attends North River School in WA and his bus driver is always harrassing and bullying some of the kids on the bus including my child. I have asked for help from the Superintendent and she continues to be mean to these kids with little discipline. Please offer us some support!!"

"My son is 5 years old and took money for a loonie drive at school as the teacher's request. Another kid (same age) asked him to give him the money and my son gave him all his money crying. Another kid that saw what happened told the librarian and the kid had to give him the money back, however when the librarian walked away the kid called my son YOU ARE A CRY BABYYYY!! and my son doesn't want to go back to that school. The teacher wasn't there, when the form they gave us says that they walk with the teacher to the library, basically nobody was watching them. I am very upset because nobody told us anything and we noticed my son was acting weird and finally he told us what happened and begged us not to take him back there. I was planing on talking to the teacher, since for me this is something that we are not used to it, my son is coming from another school where they are very 'under control'. I would like to know how can I teach my son to defend himself, he doesn't feel there! is anybody here that he can trust, any adult looking after them. Thanks you so much for this article, I think it is very good, however, if the key of 'antibulling' it's more control and clear consecuences of bullting, what happend when the school doesn't have that?'"

"This is an amazing article. I was the victim of bullying from the 2nd grade until 11th grade. I grew up in a small town and there was no where to go. The bully was very aggressive and in junior high, more girls and boys joined in. I only had one friend in elementary school and in junior high and high school, I met a couple more who were kids like me, smart and kind but not part of the 'jocks and cheerleaders'. We were labled the nerds and 'scum buckets' of the school. Though it was only a handful of kids, their behavior had a ripple effect. Kids who were neutral didn't dare befriend us for fear of guilt by association, the bullies attention focused specifically on us. The type of abuses I endured was physical, psychological and emotional. Looking back I realize that I was suffering from severe depression as a result of feeling unacceptable. I was a grade ahead in school which meant that I was a year younger than my classmates. That combined with my meek personality was a recipe for disaster. I had always been a good student but in junior high when the hormones kicked in an self-esteem and pecking order really seem to take center stage, my grades plummeted. If it weren't for the consistent love of my family and adults in my life guiding me toward the woman I am today, I easily could have permanently fallen into a pit of dispair, depression and anger. I did go through all of those emotions and dreaded going to school each day. I would come home and cry most days. I carried so much sadness and hurt because I had so much to offer and just wanted to be accepted, no different than any other child. I couldn't beleive the extent of the meanness and cruelty some of these girls treated me. My personality type is very sensitive, forgiving, compassionate and empathetic. I was very spiritual then and while trying to reason and understand their behaivor I thought perhaps these girls were so unhappy that maybe God had chosen me as the target of their aggression because they needed an outlet and I was somehow strong enough to absorb it. When I see the school shootings on TV, it breaks my heart. These kids should never have been abandoned and left feeling like they had to take matters into their own hands. The resources should be there to treat and prevent bullying on both sides. Thought in the past is that bullying is a normal part of human behaivor. Sure, ever see Lord of the Flies or read the results of the experiment done at Standford called 'the Lucifer Effect'?. Bullying is very real and if we want to raise a generation of individuals who have basic respect for mankind, it starts in early childhood. The effects of bullying on both sides is devastating and leaves an unhealthy imprint on society. Two things happed the summer before my junior year. First I went away for two weeks to a music summer camp. For the first time in my life I was surrounded by kids with similar hobbies and interests. My bully wasn't there to beat me to the punch and persuade their opinion through viscious rumors so they were free to make up their own minds about me based on who I was. I learned a very valuable lesson that summer. I learned that I was likeable. Something I hadn't experienced amoung my peers since the 1st grade. Being free to be myself, free from constant persecution. In return being accepted for who I was self re-inforcing. When I came home, I was invigorated and feeling confident and for the first time in a very long time, I LIKED who I was. Then I received some wonderful news, my bully had moved away. I settled into school the next two years. I still, got a little ribbing here and there but nothing like before, I didn't pay attention and instead focused on my friends while also keeping in touch with the friends from camp. This got me through to college where I blossomed. As an adult, I love to meet people and get along well with peers, but I still have knee jerk reactions to my early conditioning. Feelings of unworthiness, unacceptability creep in at times when I'm feeling down. I have to work at not listening. At times it is very hard to counter the messages that I recieved as a child. But I use that as my motivator to pass on a better example of how people should treat one another. I always take every opportunity to set the example and raise the bar. I reach out to others, offering hugs and words of love, support and encouragment, spread positive messages and always try to find the positive in everyone and every situation. Teaching children about bullying is teaching children about respect. Our greatest modern example of bullying is: Nazi Germany bullying to Jews. Politicians abusing their power, countries (USA) starting wars without provocation (IRAQ). Bullying is a dark human behavioral trait. It must be countered with education and a demonstration of better verbal communication, loving behavior and universal respect for all living things. Thank you for your time, Jennifer P. Gourley PS: VOTE: Barack OBAMA, he's America's only valid option. PPS: Think your one vote won't make a difference, or you have no opinion? Then do me one favor, do yourself one favor....go down, register to vote, pick democrat and VOTE for Obama. IF your one little vote won't make a difference, then it certainly can't hurt, right? Thank you for your time. J"

"I want to ADD to the people who feel PARENTS who are confrontational with the school system are abusive and are parents of bullies. I am the parent of the VICTIM and after 2+ yrs of trusting that the school was hadeling the problem I became confrontational with the school system and they hate to see me comming HOW DO YOU think your child feels they are forced BY LAW to goto a school to be emotionaly battered by the adults thay have been taught will protect them and the parents failure in being able to make it stop.I called the DEPT.of ED OCR found my kids school GUILTY of HOSTILE ENVIORNMENT and now they are trying to expel him when the same bully for 2yrs called him a name and he replied NOBODY heard either child but mine is guilty??????????????????"

"Hi I’m concerned guardian and a few days ago one off my co-workers mentions a very difficult situation that happened in her Little Boys school. He attends Ynes Elementary school in Monte Rey Park Alhambra district, In California. The situation is concerning a Bully, her 10year old was walking to class when this Kids One in particular Pull him in the boys bathroom and started to kick and punching him, he manage to run to his class room and inform the teacher, the Teacher just send the boy to their class room and fail to ask if my Co-workers Kid was Ok or send him to the Nurse office or even call his parent. When she picks him up from the after school center her kid told her that his body was hurting she asks him why and he explain. What to do in this situation? The Bully got suspended for one day after It was brought to the principals attention by parents not by the school teacher the same boy Bully Brought a knife and a pipe and some Marijuana and offer it to my Coworkers s! on once again the teacher didn’t do any thing and know my co-worker’s kid don’t play in the play ground scare that this kids Bully’s are going to hurt him.. Please help me help my Co-worker with this Bully Problem. Who can she go in this case that the school is doing so poor in helping? Complains"

"I was bullied repeatedly in private school because I had darker skin, but found public school childrent to be much nicer and more inclusive."

"My child is being bullied. I am so sad because we teach him to treat everyone with respect. "

"My son is now going in the 8th grade and another is going in the 6th grade. My son in the 8th grade, has been through so much bulling, from others in the same grade, been belittled by the teachers, but most of all the bruses, knots on his head, verbal and physical abuse, shaken at the urinal and thrown in the bathroom floor' all the teachers say, 'they didn't see it or hear it, the principal and board of education says they can't punish what they didn't see happen. This has been going on for 2 whole years and i don't want it to began with my other son. It is a title one school and the school board doesn't think what has happened just cause for my son to move. He has had a chance to move with NCLB, but the forms haven't gone through, i have done the re-zoning, that didn't go through. It is a unsafe school, but that is my opinion, but i have facts of what is going on in the school but they are looking away. As a parent, what can i do to ensure a safe school and a school t! hat will offer the best education for my boys? I'm in the process of another re-zoning form. But the school wants my son to go and try the school another year. My son has been trying and is now in a shell, he is not in band anymore, he was hit in the head may times by others,, he doesn't go to break, or to the bathroom because of what's happened to him in the restroom, but no one sees it. He is not active in school activities anymore. So, what can i do? Leagally."