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Should I make him move out?


peggyp January 18, 2009

My son is 18 and a senior in hs. He has been lieing to us for about a year. He has failed some classes. We had himn drug tested-neg. We have taken his truck away from him and said he can have it in his name when he graduates. He went out and bought a car. I dont know why they gave him credit. He has been throught many jobs. But the main thing is his lying. He can look us in the face and lie. He continues to do what he wants. My husband wants him to move out. I want him to finish school then go on his own if not college. They argue all the time and call each other names. My husband must have had a terrible chidhood, by the way he acts. They ar driving me crazy. What should I do? Should I have him move out and not bai out his mistakes,live and learn? Should I just move out,32 years of marriage?

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sbozarth23 January 18, 2009

Hi peggyp,

Welcome to GreatSchools!

I'm sorry your going through such hard times in your personal life. I suggest you contact a family therapist and urge your husband and son go for the sake of your family. Your husband may be right on this issue it may be time for your son to move out. Of course, we want your son to finish school but because your son is legally an adult there is not much you can do to stop him if he doesn't want or if he wants to leave. I don't see how your leaving your husband of 32years is going to help anything. Sometimes when under pressure you just feel like walking away, we've all been there. However, I urge you to get counseling for your family and not not make any decisions when your mad-like walking out.


healthy11 January 18, 2009

I sympathize with what you're going through. My 18 year old son is definitely trying our patience, too. Although mine has graduated from high school, he's not doing very well in college, and we have discussed "what next." We have seen a family counselor, and that has eased some of the tension between my husband and me, even if our son continues to demonstrate poor judgement. We take it one day at a time.

Was your son always "a handful?" If not, then like you, I'd probably question if his attitude changes were due to substance use of some kind....Since the drug testing came back negative, I wonder if he's ever been evaluated by a mental health professional, because there are some conditions that become more noticeable in later adolescence...I know at 18 you can't force him to see a doctor, but it sure seems like something is going on, especially when you say he can't keep a steady job, etc. Does your son talk about wanting to move out/drop out of school, or is it just your husband who wants him to go elsewhere?

Like sbozarth suggested, I really think it would help if you could see a family counselor. Truthfully, it would be ideal if you could set something up with a person who could be "evaluating" your son for possible mental health issues even as your family sits together in the session, since I doubt your son would agree to go for a private evaluation himself. He probably doesn't think anything is wrong with his behavior, everyone else is the problem.....Here's an article about compulsive lying and what else it might signal:

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