Hi, my name is Tracy. I'm a single mom of 4 kids...17, 16 and 6 yr old daughters and a 3 yr old son. My little boy is the youngest and the only boy out of 3 sisters and 3 female cousins...he's pretty out numbered :o). I worry about him because I see him imitating all the girls..a lot. He sees his dad but the visits are infrequent and he's not really getting any one on one time with his him so he doesn't have any major male role model or influence right now. I know you said you have a daughter but I was hoping that you might have some advice just from a male perspective. Is it a necessity for my little boy to have a man in his life?? I don't date at all so there are no men for him to imitate or learn from. Will he be harmed in some way because of that?43375
You may want to post that on a new thread. It will get a professional response. It may become quite confusing too. If he is loved by all; or most, and not abused verbally for his gender, I would not be worried. I was raised by my grandmother;and aunts- no uncles-after my mother passed when I was young. I was continuously around females at home; until I went into the service, excelled, am decorated, went to War college, Law school ; studied Criminal Psychology and have degrees. Am not feminine or homosexual; as case studies would suggest or expect. Am highly protective of females though; but then again- of anyone that is in distress That's a male raised by only females 'till 18.
As far as my daughter: She has been with me since 1. I had some of the same worries; especially since the social peer pressures mistakenly demand and advertise same gender necessities. Simply put; when my Daughter started crossing her legs( as They say girls should) and started expressing more feminine traits than the Women in our social setting I stopped worrying altogether. That was around five. The hormones are just now presenting themselves....she is a strong, feminine girl and will be a strong willed feminine minded adult woman. No doubt. I do have to say ,I tried to make certain, when possible to choose, to surround us with strong feminine minded women and other children's mothers that represented good role models for her. All in all; and this is open to heavy Scientific study and interpretation(Freud;etc. whom I do not agree with at all) but my simple opinion is that DNA will be the ultimate designer over learned behaviour or environment. This has been discussed for ages. Simply being surrounded by girls may make him a stronger boy. He has to be tough...to a point...right? As far as a male influence. There is always that issue:
One parent loving you is better than two that do not.
He will be around enough boys in only a couple of years in school anyway. And you are more experienced than I to know what issues that presents. I hope you feel more at peace. I would not pressure him to be Man-ly? at three. A good friend of mine is flying jets off carriers..possibly right now. Married and kids. He is controlling a heavily armed machine at the speed of sound. Takes Snoopy with him where ever he goes.....in the cockpit. Enjoy the boy in your life......the best for you All. 43376
I am divorced (for 13 years now) but don't consider myself a single parent because their dad is a good father (just a lousy husband :)). I have 2 boys, 16 and in 2 months, 18. I would be happy to help you however I can, though I do not have any daughters, my own mother passed away when I was 10 and needless to say it was rough on me, but not nearly as rough as it was on my dad. I was the youngest (of 5) and three of us were still in school when mom passed away, so my father, who spent 22 years in the Marines and had only been retired for 6 years before she got sick (lung cancer), now was a contractor who owned his own company and therefore had a very flexible schedule, fortunate for my brothers and I. He did remarry the perfect woman, she was a couple years older than him, had her own money, no kids of her own, knew and was friendly with my mom, and vacationed with my grandparents. So when we reminisced about Mom, she could join in the conversation and that was very comforting (knowing my mother liked her very much and vice-versa). When I hit puberty (and if she's 12 watch out, it's coming) you'll probably be called stupid, she'll tell you she hates you, and she'll push every button she can find. Please know, she means NONE of it. Chances are, she doesn't even know why she's acting the way she is. My father handled this with extreme patience and if I told him I hated him, he'd say he was sorry to hear that because he loved me very much. If I told him he didn't know what he was talking about, he pulled out the old cliche' "When you're young you think you know all the answers, but when you get older, you find out you didn't even know the questions". He held his temper more often then not when I was obnoxious, not wanting to reward bad behavior with attention. He cried when I left for college and I remember calling one weekend and one of the first things he asked me was, "What was wrong". I realized that I was only calling him when I needed money or something. I promised myself that day that I would call him every Saturday from now on, just to let him know I love him. I kept that promise until he passed away 10 years ago. It was the most devastating thing I've ever been through,I still wake up some mornings and think, "Oh, I need to call him" then I remember. I don't know your circumstances with your daughter's mother, but whatever it is, you'll have to address that one day and it may not be pleasant. You have a few difficult years ahead of you but they'll go by faster than you wish, even the worst days. Like I said, I don't have a daughter, but my boys turned out pretty good. Not to say they didn't have their moments too. So I can't offer advice or help you with daughter problems, but I would be happy to be your friend and despite all the rambling I've just done, I am a good listener, so please don't hesitate to call or email anytime. - Mary43377
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