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Social Readiness
MelaNichelle November 27, 2012
Goodmorning. I am a single mother raising my son who is in first grade, and is number one in his class reading at 3rd grade level and I am so proud of his academic accomplishments, at the other end of the sword however my son appears to have anger issues, talks back a lot to adults, and is not making friends very well. I have asked his Dr. what resources she would recommend, I have yet to hear anything back, my family is very engaged with him, (although were heavy handed with women) we go to the library two times a week, we are active at our Kingdom Hall for spiritual service, we have family movie night and game night, and i let his friends come over once a week. I am feeling very frustrated at my son's behavior he displays it both at home and at school. What has helped any of you parents with your children socially? And also with their emotional regulation in the form of anger or sadness, stress or anxiety? I am really doing my homework here to give my child the best support and foundation! Thanks to anyone who replies <3
TeacherParent November 27, 2012
Has anyone asked your son why he seems so angry? Has anyone pointed out to him that the way he speaks and acts suggests he is very angry and you want to know why.
Anger is not something that can be commanded away and sometimes anger is a mask for sadness. Your son can't make friends if he acts in an angry way.
The first step toward helping him socially with his peers and with his interactions with adults is to help him figure out why he's angry and then help him work to resolve his anger. 81562
MelaNichelle December 11, 2012
I have a counseling appointment for him next week, and we've been reading books about his feelings and proper ways to express them. I'm sure if i stay on him and keep us busy in positive things and family outings things will improve. Thanks so much!81719
pigtoria December 11, 2012
Hi MelaNichelle......
I had a really interesting conversation with a parent a couple of weeks and would like to share it with you - perhaps you could get some insights from it. The parent has two boys and to me she seems "tired" all the time. Her boys have lots of activities - orchestra, soccer, baseballs, violin lesson, piano lesson, etc. So I asked if all the running around is making her tired. She said that the running around is nothing - that's just the physical thing. It's the fostering of her boys' emotional needs that is making her tired. She said "I am a sensitive person and so are my boys. Their feelings get hurt easily and there's no bandage for that. I can't take them to the doctor for their 'hurt' feelings. I have to treat and cure them myself. It's exhausting!".
Fostering a child's emotional development and needs is extremely difficult. The most challenging part is that "hurt feelings" are not easily seen and it can build up. If a bad situation happen and it is not addressed right away then that emotions will start building up and it may gets to the point where it becomes chronic. If a child is sad all the time, s/he will grow up to be depress.
I agree with TeacherParent that there has to be a reason for your son's anger. Start looking back as to when your son acted this way. It may have been from something that happened a few years back. You must know the source - the true reason - for your son's anger before you can start help him with his anger management and emotional development.
Good luck!81720
mskaiser33 December 16, 2012
My son is also extremely sensitive. I always validate his feelings. And I give him a ton of affection but my husband military style of parenting is what he response too. Go figure. I would try putting him with a really good and trust worthy male figure. Boys have an abundance of energy but it has to be checked so that the energy is used positively.
81761
aruizp December 16, 2012
I have twin boys. One is calm and thinks through things. The other reacts and gets angry. I think it is in his make up. He can be so jolly sometimes and then pissed off the next. He has a lot of friends. I have to request teachers for him. Highly organized classrooms. Exceptional teachers that can challenge him and don't let any kids get away with anything. No room for favorites or one kid being discipline for something, but another kid getting away with it. Last year, wasn't so good. This year is awesome. With issues at home, I constantly have to remind him that he has the right to be upset, sad, angry or whatever feeling he has, but that it is not okay to react in the ways that he does. I tell him that we will talk about it or resolve the issue once he is more calm. Sometimes I escalate and get sucked into the arguement. I, too, have to remind myself to walk away from him and let him know that I will not participate or try to resolve anything until everyone is calm including myself. He hates not dealing with it right away, especially if he is wronged or things things aren't fair. I assure him that I will listen to everything he has to say, but not while he is angy or arguing. This isn't easy, he can fly off the handle so quickly. His dad isn't so consistent and they butt heads a lot. Especially when dad wants to lay the law down and he wants to argue and reason his way out of it.81789
Jewl1255 December 24, 2012
Oddly enough, I have a nephew that is nearly perfectly described by your description of your child. He is extremely contrary and often resorts to violence to express his feelings. Fortunately, both his parents constantly tell him every time he acts out that what he is doing is not okay. They emphasize WHAT he should not have done, and suggest a DIFFERENT way to express his feelings. He has improved from when he was younger. A lot. Just keep listening to him and teaching him what he should do, not what he shouldn't. Positive phrases are better than negative phrases in cases like these. My brother and sister-in-law avoid the words "never" "not" and "no", and everyone in the family has learned to do the same. Anyway, hope this helps!81868
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