My 2.5 year old was just expelled from school for hitting. This has been a problem and only seems to be getting worse at the school so I understand why this happened. We are trying to correct the behavior at home, but he hardly ever hits at home. He recently even started biting - totally new behavior. I can't help but take this on as reflection of my parenting and have been feeling guilty and embarrassed. As a result I am having to pull his sister out of the same school which is heartbreaking. Any advice on how to prepare for the new school to make sure this doesn't happen again? Yes - I work full time and the kids are there all day, wish it could be different, but it can't.
People, especially children learn by example...if hitting is a way people use to control your child, then he may try to get control the same way or a different way, but the attempt to gain control with fear may be the understanding your child gained. (by control I mean respect or to get people to listen to understand him.)...I think that we are seeing more of this type of behavior, because today's child is less afraid than previous generations...I think this lack of fear can and will be a good thing, when society learns to help people control themselves with understanding...A great man once said "Peace cannot be kept by fear and can only be achieved through understanding." Albert Einstein...The reason is, that not all people fear, but in the absence of fear we all do what we understand...I worked with youth for many years, and many parents would say "my child would never do that." and I would ask to finish there statement and say "with you present, but in the absence of fear of your reaction, your child does as he understands and this behavior is a result of your child's motivation derived from there understanding...The good news is, that once you see your child's vision or understandings you may learn from them and also be able to add some understandings, that would effect your child's vision (grouped understandings), motives and actions with you present and when you are not present...My wife once asked me what the best trait a mother could have, " I told her that a mother who puts the time and effort into listening to understand their children, will teach the child how to respect by example." Respect is to listen to understand based on the person who you are listening to. If I said all objects are black, people may say I am wrong, crazy , racist or depressed (listening to judge me based on what they understand, not respect...The person who says why do you see it that way? very respectful...I would say take away light, everything is black...put light through a prism, you can separate color, contention is all objects are black, color comes from the light...but am I crazy , racist or depressed ?13623
justjeffrey37 said "a mother who puts the time and effort into listening to understand their children, will teach the child how to respect by example." Respect is to listen to understand based on the person who you are listening to." For some really good reading that teaches us the authentic and most effective ways of teaching respect to children by respecting them you can check out these books: How to Really Love Your Child (a Christian book written by a man). Connection Parenting by Pam Leo also on audio CD. A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg (perhaps THE best book on listening empathically to every person you relate to in life and many other authors have based many of their ideas on this great man's work. His ideas are working around the world.) Raising Our Children Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort at AuthenticParent.com (she has a wonderful S.A.L.V.E. formula and studying her work, talking with her, etc. with her will help you learn to to really Validate children and become in tune with what's really going on for your child--why he opposes you, etc.) Naomi pulls it all together for parents who wish to really do their own inner work to create a truly peaceful home. Finally, learn to interrupt or put a pause between what happens to you and your reactions to any situation or person. By learning to see your own thoughts as they are, perceive what is truth rather than just your own limited view of it, try reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Learning from all these resources has been a benchmark turning point for me in my life, at age 34, as a parent of a toddler and a preschooler. I didn't know what was wrong before (I thought it was always everyone else), but now I look forward to a lifetime of inner peace about reality, and being able to pass onto my children the knowledge that helps them to bypass the drama created by the average person. Everyone understands words differently, but the bottom line is that our stress is not created by our experiences, but by what we think about them. Until I learned to interrupt the storyteller inside my own mind, I thought I was always the "right" one. Awareness of mind/thoughts from our true consciousness is the only way to begin to discern. It's not rocket science, though it just takes a real desire to pursue our own awakening. May the peace spread and move throughout human society. Let it begin with you. (And, now you will think of an excuse not to respond to this post, because your ego (your total collected thoughts about your past and who you are) doesn't want to be exposed--let it be exposed by your awareness of it.) Peace to you all.13622
I'm sure its not your parenting, maybe he feels sad or angry and children can express there feeling in all different ways. you need to sit him down and tell him that at his new school there is no hitting. and maybe you can tell the teacher to notify you if he hits or bites and then if he behaves that day at school he will get a reward like candy or something fun and small. But if he hits that day you should give him a time out for about 5 minutes. hopefully this was good advice! i wish you well!13621
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