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Bullying By Isolation, How to stop it?


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JOA2009 March 28, 2009


My child has been bullied for two years by isolation in the neighborhood. The group that started the isolation has grown in numbers and has now filtered into his school life. These kids tell lies about my child. When my child makes new friends, the other kids join in, instigate trouble, make up horrible stories about my child, and then my child is left with no one. I have tried to talk to some of the parents, but they are clueless as to who their child is, I guess they believe their child that my child is bad. I have never in my life met so many mean kids in one area. My husband and I have stepped up our interaction and activities with our child to show support. It is a frustrating situation and one we feel helpless. My child's birthday is coming up and there is no one to invite, this is the second year and it breaks my heart. Got any advice?

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healthy11 March 28, 2009


How old is your child/what grade? Is your son involved in any organized extracurricular activities, such that he can participate alongside other children under adult supervision? It sounds to me like unstructured play times are problematic. I'm thinking that he would benefit from Scouting, or YMCA Adventurers programs, or perhaps a sporting activity like TaeKwonDo.

Martial Arts are considered an excellent thing for many children who have self-esteem issues and/or learning difficulties. The movements are highly structured, the instruction is both visual and auditory, and a child's success is dependent on how much effort they put forth, not like a "team" sport where one kid who misses the ball incurs the ire of all the teammates. Swimming is a similar good choice.




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healthy11 March 28, 2009


I also wanted to recommend that you join Greatschool's Bully Prevention Group at http://community.greatschools.net/groups/11560

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JOA2009 March 28, 2009


My child is in 4th grade. My child is enrolled in a sport each season. Scouting was too expensive for us and I believe the YMCA would be out of our range too.

The bullying started when we moved to a new place and it has taken on a life of its own. We are now at the point that we keep our child on our property, but that doesn't help with not having anyone to invite to a birthday party or plays, etc. People are followers, everyone loves a winner and everyone turns their back on the underdog.

I have joined the bully group on this web site, but at this point that is all I can do besides be a support for my child and pray for a new day and a new beginning. I find comfort in the saying, "this too shall pass." Thank you for your input.

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healthy11 March 28, 2009


It's been a few years since my son was involved in scouting, but I thought they did have some "scholarships" available for kids who couldn't otherwise afford to participate. I KNOW the YMCA in my area does provide subsidies for families that can't pay the full fees for camps and memberships on their own, and I would imagine there may be similar opportunities if you are otherwise unable to afford to get your son involved in appropriate activities. (YMCA stands for Young Men's CHRISTIAN Association, and they do have a charitable side.)

As a separate issue, have you talked to your son's teacher about your concerns? She can be sure he is included in classroom activities; perhaps she could also tell you about someone who your son does seem to get along with, and you could start by inviting that child over for a 1:1 "playdate." In the meantime, for his upcoming birthday, are you within travel distance of where you used to live, so that you might invite a friend your son had in your old neighborhood, even if it's for a weekend sleepover? If you don't have friends this year, could you have a special family celebration by inviting aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents?

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19994best April 3, 2009


Tell your child to WALK AWAY from them and tell the teacher.

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juliechang July 20, 2009


Since you are asking for advice, here goes: I would honestly consider either moving to another neighborhood, or switching schools. If you can afford any type of private school, then send your child there. I also experienced bullying and isolation in junior high, and still have psychological scars from it.
Anyway, that's my two cents, for what its worth.

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j2goodes January 23, 2010


Yes! Move! Move out of that neighborhood, move your child to another school or school district, switch activities and give your child a fresh start. Stop talking about it and do something! At the new activity, school, house - observe your child and find out why he is a victim. Then, solve that problem!



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