My bio- son recently asked me why his step-brother doesn’t get in trouble for bringing home bad grades.   In my bio-son’s case, the lowest expectable grade is a B; C’s are cause for concern, and anything lower will result in major punishment. 

My step-son is currently failing 3rd grade. Most of the grades he brings home are F’s. He was a preemie, and we are finally in the process of having him evaluated for learning disabilities and the various forms of ADD. But how do you explain this to a 2nd grader?  

I started by asking him if he knew what it meant to be mentally challenged. I was a bit shocked at what he thought it meant. He described people who were severely handicapped, such as you would find in an institution. I explained that there are many different degrees of disabilities. Some people are challenged more than others, but a lot of the time you cannot tell unless you know the person. Then I reminded him about the difficulty his step-brother has focusing on homework, his emotional delicateness and his anxiety about competitive physical activities. I told him that the doctor said those things may have to do with a disability, and until we know for sure, it would be wrong to punish his step-brother for something that may not be his fault. Then I reminded my son how lucky he should feel not to have problems like these, and to show compassion for those who do.  

Our expectations are based on what we know each child is capable of. And I know some of you may feel like we are putting too much pressure on the 2nd grader, but the fact is that during the first quarter of this year he has brought home work with 2 B’s, 1 C, and the rest were A’s. We use his competitive side to our advantage. He wants to get the best grades in his class, and competes with his friend to see who does better. He does not get nervous or feel anxiety due to our expectations. He feels pride in himself because he does better than we demand.