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how do l stop my son from hitting,kicking.pushing other children?


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minnie17 November 11, 2008


hi, my 4 year old keeps hitting, kicking,pushing and annoying other children. he does it at school and at home. when he does it we punish him but he just laughs in our face hes got a terrible attitude. me and my husband dont knoe what to do anymore.we dont go anywhere anymore cos hes naughty weve tried everything. even when we go to parties we get black looks from other parents for his behaviour. please help im at that stage where i just want to pack my bags and go out of his life. its so upsetting.

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msowder15 November 11, 2008


I know this must be hard for you. It is just upsetting to hear sometimes you want to pack your bags and go out of his life. A 4 year old will do things like this. I think in order for anyone to help you they must know more about you and your sons situation. There are many reasons why a child could act out like this and it is your job to try and find out why and help him. Although you may never leave your child, children can feel what your feeling and this is not a good message to send. Again I believe a 4 year old is still a baby and they are learning right from wrong. The way you handle these situations right now means everything for the future. My daughter is 3 and I may feel like getting out of the house sometimes but I have never felt like going out of her life. Although she knows when she is doing wrong SOMETIMES she still does things she should not do and I just stay consistent with teaching, talking, and punishing her by sitting her down. YOU MUST HAVE PATIENTS AND TALK WITH YOUR CHILDREN. What kind of parties did you take your child to. Do you do things like going to the park and letting him get some energy out. Not going anywhere anymore will not help it will only hurt him. And last but not least please keep in mind he is 4 years old and he is still a baby.

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MSMomm November 11, 2008


How long has this kind of behavior been going on? Has there been any recent changes in his home life? Has he just started school? Please provide more information so we can understand your situation better.

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2004mom November 11, 2008


It sounds like this really frustrates you. I agree with msoder15...your attitude affects your child and you must be patient. My 4 year old daughter doesn't hit other kids, but since she is an only child, she doesn't know how to share and that sometimes is a bit embarasing when we are in a public place and the other kids start crying because they want some of her snack and she refuses to share. We, as parents need to find smart ways to teach our children what is right and wrong. Now, I make HER pack extra "SHARING" snacks whenever we go to the playground or any other gatherings and if I forget, she reminds me before leaving the house. Thats a start! Many times children learn this from other kids. If your child goes to Day care, spend some time in the classroom and see how the other kids act. Whenever my daughter uses new rude words or behavior, I go pick her up early and I stay and observe for about 1/2 hour. I usually see the exact behavior in another child and I bring it to the teacher's attention. Maybe your child is being bullied at school by another child and he is bringing all his anger home because he doesn't deal with it at school. It could be so many things...Talk to your son and let him know that you don't like it when he acts this way. Tell him it makes you sad when he acts that way.

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laura1967 November 11, 2008


I have to "agree" you difinely need to make sure his "energy level" is run down, being a 4 year old boy, i know he has plently of it. You also MUST make sure he knows you are the boss. If he fineallly gets his way--then is just makes him think "he won". Both of you have to be consistent--it sounds like you have a very strong-willed child on your hands...do not let him get by with any bad behavior, put him in "time-out" 100 times if that is what it takes. You have to "stick with it" and in all this you both MUST REMAIN CLAM, because he is FEEDING off of your reactions....

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minnie17 November 11, 2008


hi birthday,halloween,weddings any parties like that. and we do go out but we make sure there arent a lot of children there. but my question wasnt answered i asked if anyone could help to stop him hitting,kicking, or pushing. hes not a baby. l know l say things but l would never leave my children. it just makes me feel like that sometimes. l have alot of paitents with my children but l can not stop him from doing them things and he is a happy little boy. l do all them things you do but it doesnt stop him from doing them things. my child is hyperactive and a boy so its alot harder than having a girl they are much placid than a boy.

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minnie17 November 11, 2008


his behaviour started like this when he turned 2 years old and its been getting worse, now hes 4 and started school hes like it with the children there, theres been no change at home really apart from a brother hes nearly 6 months now but he was like this before my other son was born

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msowder15 November 11, 2008


I'm glad you gave some feedback to help us understand a little more. I do want to let you know that I have 3 children 2 boys and 1 girl. My little girl is 3 and the boys are 5 and 11. Trust me when I tell you that I have seen alot. All three of my children are different and by far my daughter has gave me the most trouble as far as hitting. I have seen with my children that at that age more than likely it is a phase and I feel you just need to keep being consistent and talking with your child. Reward him when he's good and punish him when he's bad. Time will tell if it is something major and if you need more intervention. I know its hard but hang in there.

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tjlove November 11, 2008


When you say your son laughs in your face when you try to discipline him, to me it's a sign that he knows he doesn't have to take his punishment seriously.

You've received a lot of good advice already, I may not have anything new to say. But it's important to not lose your patience with him or lose your temper when he's disobeying you. The more attention/reaction he gets out of you when he misbehaves, the more likely he is to continue this behavior.

Calmly explain your expectations and consistently follow through with the consequences.

It will take time but if you and all of his caregivers are being consistent it will make a huge difference.

If you feel your son's behavior is more serious than a behavioral phase, talk to his pediatrician about possible causes.

I know your frustrated, and I understand the sentiment of feeling helpless and wanting to run away (my mother used to threaten that she was going to go live in the Himalayas on a regular basis) but hang in there!!

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lockmama November 11, 2008


Do you know where your son has picked up this behavior? A few years ago, my boss when through a similar problem. One day, child announced she was her favorite TV character as she attacked another child. The TV character was on a fantasy children's program and the parents didn't realize the child might not be able to understand that the behavior she saw on TV isn't behavior that she could immitate.

Our daughter is 3 and a half years old and when she does something wrong, we remind her that the action is naughty. Generally, she stops at that. When she is tired, she immediately repeats whatever action we have just spoken about. I then give her the consequence of her actions should it happen again. (She doesn't have a problem with hitting others so I have the luxury of not having to stop the action immediately). If she is just looking for attention, she usually decides time out is not worth repeating the action as it disengages her from the rest of the family. If she does push it, I immediately follow through on the punishment. That brings on hysterical tears. Once she has calmed down, she is required to apologize for the particular behavior (not just "I'm sorry") before she is allowed to rejoin the family.

Occassionally, she tells me that her doll has done something wrong. I always ask her what punishment she thinks the doll should have. We have found this allows her to understand that everyone (even the dolls) are responsible for their behavior and there are consequences for not controlling themselves.

You might speak to the school to see how they handle your son's agression. If they have found a consequence that works well, try using it at home. Remember, the school has likely dealt with this behavior in other students. They have probably seen parents who effectively correct their child's behavior and those who do not. Hopefully, the school can give you some suggestions.

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mommaangl November 19, 2008


Hi I hope this helps out or at least he sounds like my only son! I am from Ohio and my son would bite the little girl I was babysitting. He was 5 months older then her. But the little girl would never cry or tell me because she did not want him to get in trouble.. So I told her if she did not then her mom said she was going to give her time out. She started telling me, so the doctor said for her to show him what it felt like and she did try but she again did not want to hurt him so that is when I made him play in another room until he stopped, he did after 2 weeks. My son was great until the other kids would be bully's and so he started defending himself because the parents would not do anything to their kids. So we moved then he found out because of being short the teachers all put him in front row, plus when he was bad they made him sit in the middle of the group!! When he told me this I went to call the school, but he stopped me. No mom whenever I get in trouble or even when I don't I get more help from my teachers, cause they are now paying attention to me! So all the way to school he would either push the teacher just to see what and how long he would have before she Went off!! Then to play the tuff guy with his friends Again he would keep running his mouth while his friends stopped! I asked one of his friends why? He said we start it but he is the one who gets in trouble. So he said the more he acts out he is always getting someone attention when he is doing something Bad. So I called his doctor and he told me still have time out but make him go into another room with the chair in the corner and when he gets out before his time- son yell just make him go back!! Then after awhile we would talk or since he came from a single parent (me) I told him from now on if he is mad and ready to go off!
the deal was one of us would take a walk to cool down then we would talk it out. It worked too in fact that is how I am teaching his daughter and also I was the kind of mother to buy him everything he wanted even if he did not need it, I told him and his daughter I will not buy their love so if that is the only way, I do not need this and I will not! I tought my son to be independent, and I guess I did a good Job! He went to work at 15 1/2 after shool, at 16 bought his first car.. So I hope this helped !! MOmmaangl



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