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how do l stop my son from hitting,kicking.pushing other children?


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minnie17 November 11, 2008


hi, my 4 year old keeps hitting, kicking,pushing and annoying other children. he does it at school and at home. when he does it we punish him but he just laughs in our face hes got a terrible attitude. me and my husband dont knoe what to do anymore.we dont go anywhere anymore cos hes naughty weve tried everything. even when we go to parties we get black looks from other parents for his behaviour. please help im at that stage where i just want to pack my bags and go out of his life. its so upsetting.

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HollyB32 May 27, 2013


You can give him choices this can be something that will allow him to choose to play with a toy and not hit or take a break if he needs one if he is mad. maybe give him a soft bean bag that he can hit instead of other people. Also a stress ball maybe helpful. Squeeze the ball not hit the kids. :) I hope this helps.

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bskaat September 2, 2009


What a horrible parent to have called you a "scum bag" like that! I'm so sorry that you have to live in such a difficult environment! It must be terribly stressful for you.

I suggest that you use constant praise for good behavior. Try using at least 10 positive comments for every negative comment or criticism. That way, he will get attention for the GOOD things he is doing.

Make sure that the praise it very specific. Don't just say "you were very good today", but try saying, "I noticed that you shared your favorite toy with Johnny, that was very nice of you" or "I saw that the other boy grabbed a toy from your hand, but I also noticed that you did not get angry about it, but told an adult instead... that was GREAT... I'm very proud of you for asking an adult for help!" Be VERY specific about what your son did well.

When your son has a problem with another child, he needs to know some solutions he can try to solve the problem. He should be reminded to try the different solutions... for example, when a child does something that he doesn't like he should say "Don't do that. I don't like it when you ... grab things from me" If that doesn't work, he should try walking away, or asking an adult for help, or asking a friend for help. Remind him that if one solution doesn't work, that he needs to try another one.

Try going through some solutions with him for the types of problems he has with his peers. Even try acting them out with him. Have him be the "mean kid" and you be the nice one. Then, have YOU be the mean kid (having me be the mean kid never worked with my son because I'm MOM, and MOM is NEVER supposed to be mean... even when pretending... I don't know if it will work for you or not, but you can give it a try.)

Make a list of the solutions, and then regularly REMIND him of the solutions that he can try. When you see him USE one of the solutions PRAISE HIM, even if the solution doesn't work.

Since you live somewhere where adults call other adults names (like scumbag), your son's solution of telling someone to stop doing something might not work. If you witness your son telling another child to stop, and if the other child continues to harass your son, you may need to talk to the parent of the other child. Point out that your son politely requested that their child stop bullying him, but that their child didn't stop. Kindly ask them to help THEIR child understand that when someone asks them to stop, then they should do so.

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hellokatie September 1, 2009


Why is everyone so quick to lay the blame on ADD/ADHD.
Give me a break. This kid is 4. My 5 y/o son does the same things. Is he an only child? Mine is. Our kids have sharing and caring issues, NOT ADD. Medicating a young child is ludicrous. What I have done is make sure that I spend extra time with him, and when he does these things at school we restrict him from the activities he enjoys. When he plays sports, it also makes a big difference. I hope I helped, even a little. If anyone has any suggestions that dont involve some disability or drugs, I would like to hear them.

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MSMomm July 16, 2009


Titanix:

May I suggest a couple of groups here Greatschools. The first is the Learning and Attention Difficulties group: http://community.greatschools.net/groups/11554. Many parents belong to that group, and can give guidance on ADD/ADHD, such as getting the testing process started through your local public school, what questions to ask of medical professionals, things of that nature.

Another group is the Education Laws & Regs. Group: http://community.greatschools.net/groups/77570. Here, you can find a wealth of information regarding IEP's (Individualized Education Plans), 504 Plans, etc.

Please feel free to take a look and post any questions you may have there so other parents can see and respond to your questions in a more timely manner.

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titanix July 15, 2009


Difficult as it is may be to accept, yeah, I'm suspecting that he has. I brought up the subject with his pediatrician and she suggested a few avenues where I may be able to start. Let's hope and see what happens.

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MSMomm July 15, 2009


titanix:

Have you brought your son's behavior to the attention of his pediatrician? If not, you may want to start there. If so, what did the pediatrician say? Do you feel your son has ADHD/ADD?

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titanix July 15, 2009


I know exactly how you feel as I am in the same boat. My son has just turned 4. It is very challenging to get him involved in play groups, summer camp activities or public play areas for children. My husband and I constantly feel on edge because our son can't control his impulse to hit other kids. Missykmummy has expressed my sentiments to a T. It's hard enough having to deal with my son's behavior. It is even harder to dear with condescending parents who think they know what we are going through. On one of our holidays, we met a couple with 4 kids --- all boys. The mother confessed to me how she once used to judge parents based on their children's behaviors. After all, she had 4 kids. The first three were well behaved, and she took all the credit for that. it wasn't until she had her fourth child with ADHD. It was only then that she understood the real meaning of frustration. No one has the right to judge because they don't know what you are going through. Even well balanced individuals with an ADHD child go through very tough times. I'm interested to know how the situation is for you right now. I still am groping for answers. Help us, if you know anything.

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minnie17 December 12, 2008


hi thanks for replying. we went to a party recently and my boy was hitting and pushing other children and all the parents started having a go at us and me and my husband have had enough so we took him to his doctors and he said hes got a behavourial problem so hes tranfered him. he said he cant rule out adhd because hes only 4 years old. i wish that the other parents that keep having a go at us can experience this cause its draining and i've tried explaining it but they say were bad parents. we was going in a shop the other day and one of the parents was there from my sons school and they shouted so everyone could hear and called us scum bags. that upset me because if they come to my house they will see were not scum bags and we dress respectable my kids never go out looking scruffy there always smartly dressed.

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missykmummy December 10, 2008


I know exactly how you feel, my 4 year old son is an only child and I am a single mum and whilst he can be a lovely, bright, well mannered, caring (I could go on...) little boy he also has a problem with hitting other children his age, this problem has been around since he was 2 and I have a no smacking policy and always remained calm and and told him not to hit as it is naughty, hurts peoples feelings and is not acceptable, I have used time out, taken him home from friends houses, parties after warnings and always followed through. I know my son has had an unsettled time as me and his dad split up and he has just started seeing his dad again and his behaviour has got worse again, despite everything, we have always shown him love, tried to talk about his feelings, I have tried reward charts, everything, I have tried the Super nanny ways and I just don't know what to do anymore. nothing I say and do seems to work and me and his dad are working together to try and work it out, I feel so isolated at times because where i have made friends at pre school with other mums, when we have gone to their houses, we have always had to leave because of his hitting and bad behaviour, the invites have stopped, I dread taking him to parties or play dates because I know what he will do and I can't handle the looks and remarks from other mums, its a cruel world when mums behave in this way. I often think about getting professional help but then the hitting stops and he gets better, but then it keeps coming back. I have trawled many websites and books to look for help and answers and I am still without an answer. I don't want people to think that my son is horrible as when he is not hitting he is adorable, but hate the way people think i'm a bad mum, I envy all those mums out there who have never experienced this problem as I think it is the worst thing to deal with.

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bskaat November 21, 2008


Have you discussed the problems with your pediatrician? He/she might be able to refer you to a child psychologist who could diagnose an underlying problem. If there truly IS an underlying psychological problem, early diagnosis and treatment can work wonders. A behavioral therapist might be able to help you and your son change some of his unacceptable behaviors.



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