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I have a 7 year old that does not listen to me.


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Anonymous December 9, 2009


i have to ask him 3 or more times to do something. will not listen at school. want focus and do his work much rather play and be the class clown. i have tried yelling,talking, spanking, takeing away stuff, putting him in the corner, ignoreing him. i have gotten calls from school atleast once a week...i mean its driving me crazy...his father comes home from work and its a diifernt tune...he listens to him but not me...i know it might be the thing that dad is working out of town but come on...iI NEED HELP...sometimes i want to pull his head off of his shoulders but i know i cant....please help me

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healthy11 December 10, 2009


The fact you say that your son is not listening to you OR to his teachers in school means this isn't just a matter of preferring one person's parenting style over another. Did your son have difficulties last year in school, too? Have you spoken to his pediatrician about it? I think it would be good to talk to him about the possibility of ADHD....you might look at sites like www.help4adhd.org and see if the descriptions are similar to what you see in your son.
Other parents on Greatschools face similar issues: http://community.greatschools.net/q-and-a/708775/My-7-year-old-is-out-of-control-at-school-and-im-out-of-ideas
I also invite you to join Greatschools Learning and Attention Difficulties Group at http://community.greatschools.net/groups/11554

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vanghele December 22, 2009


You have what is commonly referred to as a 'boy'. I recommend reading a book called "The Wonder of Boys" by Dr. Michael Gurian. Once you understand how boys develop, a lot of stress will be lifted from your relationship with him. I suggest that your husband reads this book as well. I learned a lot about myself from this book! What it boils down to is that the classroom environment at that age is suited towards the way girls processes information, not boys!

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BigPaws12 December 22, 2009


I agree with Healthy. Sounds like ADD/ADHD and you should demand (not request, demand, politely) from the school that your child be evaluated. Keep a journal of when you receive calls, the frequency, etc. Just a note. The Pediatrician is a good route as well but they will refer you to a psychologist who will do an evaluation. Federal law requires the school do it at no cost if they feel there is cause. Become member of Wright's Law website (google is your friend...) My 1st grade/6 yr old son was diagnosed first with Asperger's. Then Sensory Integration Disorder. He is also ADHD. All those names are just labels that try to identify why he learns differently. I don't think of my son as disabled, just someone who learns differently. He DOES learn, very quickly, just not according to the pigeon holes kids are forced in to in the classroom. His teacher (mainstream) reports he's no different than 5 other boys in his class (who receive no assistance. Shame that). His principal in Kindergarten called him her little professor and support staff call him brilliant. He is bored easily and doesn't understand the need to work on simple, basic things. Boredom in bright children is often a cause of poor behavior. They need to be engaged in something that interests them. It's healthy. Be sure your son gets enough physical exercise to wear him out before homework so he can sit there and concentrate. We take walks in good weather before homework.

Lastly, sometimes as a parent we give up too easily on discipline techniques. "Trying" everything may mean you haven't tried one thing long enough. I have found that value, in my son's mind, is a strong motivator. In our house it's dessert after dinner, a treat after school, tv time or certain toys and we live by Grandma's Rule. First you do what Mom wants, then you do what you want. If you don't do what Mom wants, you don't get the next immediate thing you want. Worked for me like a charm.

However it works out, hang in there. Take a break. Walk away. Go outside and scream like a mad woman. This too shall pass, just with some effort.

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CaliMomACE December 22, 2009


Best of luck in getting the bottom of things.

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BigPaws12 December 22, 2009


It may be with dad that he is either 1) consistent and or 2) your son fears him. Either way this doesn't mean it's NOT ADHD. I hope it's not for you, but my son listens to me and had he been homeschooled we'd never had known he had the first issue. For me he's an angel. Not for his father, and not at school. Well, he is NOW, but he was a banshee before. Also... sleep can be an issue with kids. My son had far more severe behavioral issues before we discovered the need for his tonsils and adenoids to come out. He 'seemed' like he was sleeping well before, but it was never a deep sleep. Once he started sleeping well, everything else seemed to fall in place rather easily. My pediatrician *always* rules out allergies and ENT issues before going down the ADHD path.

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Nadiumshewa December 22, 2009


Hum, Sounds like Dad needs to be more proactive in his son's life. That is in a positive way. I know when my daughter started ignoring my words,etc. I felt I was a bad parent. NOT true. Dad, needs stand behind mom in front of the son. Supporting her can mean He take the lead in calmly helping out with their son. I do know ears need to be checked by the pediatrician Hear and Seeing can take a turn at a very young age and need to be monitored. Turned out our daughter needed glasses not badgering over not getting homework done. She really did need glasses and how would she know. Hanging out @ school early at pick up and drop off might give you insight to his peers and teachers in how he's interacting. Needing more attention socially. School is for learning, and encouraging a time and place for everything. He needs his Dad to spend time on homework and play time. Showing interest and encouragement will encourage sharing. A note: curb sweets during the week. fruit and nuts and vitamins he will eat can only help his mind and body. A regular time to bed and getting things in order before bedtime. Clothes, things for the next day. Less struggling in the mornings. Praise him for the growing boy he is and the man he will become. Help him to see good choices and decisions make good habits and that consequences whether good or bad will help him to be encouraged to do what's right. That good feeling you get inside you from doing what's right is what we all strive for! Pray for insight and wisdom and discernment so all three of you can create positive habits and move forward together on the same page.

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EmilyRae December 22, 2009


First of all, it sounds like you are very overwhelmed so I would suggest that you use whatever support network you have to help you stay grounded and keep your cool. 7 year olds can be very challenging! My suggestion would be to try to be very organized. Have a specific time for doing homework that is calm and pleasant. Make sure your son knows when homework time is and what the expectations are. Kids still need a lot of help in second grade -- sit down with him if you can and be available to help. My daughter does her homework at the kitchen table and I usually sit down with a cup of tea and some laundry to fold, or bills to pay. Just so she knows I am available. It also helps to have something to look forward to -- "first you need to get your homework done. When you are done, we can go for a walk together, go outside and play catch, watch TV, whatever works for your family. Draw on the expertise of the teachers as well and find out if they have any tips for keeping him on task. Try not to turn it in to a power struggle. And definitely get dad on board with the plan.

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shellyshell4mc December 22, 2009


I would guess that you do all the stuff you are doing, too much and that he has plenty more stuff to occupy him after you take stuff away. The one thing you may be missing is consistency, too much repeating and not following through. Say it once, in a normal voice and sit him down until what you ask of him is done. He only gets up to go to bed, no later than his normal time, it's important to keep a regular schedule, he sits when he gets up, until school and he sits as soon as he gets home from school. I'm sure he knows the rules so there is no need to keep repeating them. Tell him he knows what he needs to do and when he is done he can get up. That's all the conversation that is necessary. He's a kid, keep it simple, straight forward and consistent.

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vanghele December 23, 2009


I have to disagree with most of what the other well intentioned posts are saying. Your boy is not behaving like a 'banshee', you should not 'demand' that he be tested for ADHD. There is nothing 'wrong' with him. He is behaving like almost every boy I have known or raised. There is also nothing 'wrong' with the parent. Yes, your son needs to conform. Yes, he needs structure. In fact, boys thrive when they know there is a pecking order. They need to know where they stand. But, your 'lack of structure', or 'dad's lack of involvement' has nothing to do with why your son is behaving like a normal boy! You didn't invent this, It's biology and evolution. That is why I recommend you read about it. There are also books written on how to nurture teenage girls. I consider them a bigger challenge!

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BigPaws12 December 30, 2009


Blaming behavior on gender is like blaming winter on snow. It's NOT normal for children to misbehave to the point you describe just because he's "being a boy". That's not being a boy, that is being a child who at best won't listen and at worst can't for some reason. If your school is complaining, your fears are valid and ps- there's no stigma attached to asking for or needing help. We all do at some point in time. The school is not only obligated to assist your son, they are obligated to help you too (Parent Training. Available free, Federally, it's your tax dollars at work for you as part of your child's Free Appropriate Public Education). The only caveat I'd add is don't wait. The faster you get help, the easier it will be to fix.



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