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My 11 year old daughter is a tomboy....


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Tiffany6170 December 3, 2009


My daughter just began 6th grade. She is 11 years old, will be 12 in a couple months. She is a very good kid. She is very open and honest with me and is just a joy to have around. She is also a tomboy. She watches wrestling and would rather play with boys than girls. She has nothing in common with them. She has no interest in doing her nails or her hair or any of the other girly things the other girls her age are in to. She has cried to me on several occasions lately because she says she feels "alone" at school. She says she sees other girls run up and hug each other or gather around their lockers and she doesn't have this. She desperately wants friends and this is really becoming an issue for her.  She is very quiet at school (she is not even close to being quiet at home!!!) and I think this is because she lacks self-confidence.  I've already suggested that she talk to some of the girls and kind of hang out with them in class and maybe ask one or two of them to come to her house for a sleepover. She's scared to do this. What else can I tell her to do. I'm hoping that as the year goes on (schools been in for about 4 months) she will get to know the kids better. She usually makes friends with the boys pretty fast, but she isn't able to make friends with them either. I wish I had the answer, but I don't know what to tell her.  HELP!!!!


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wattsnest December 3, 2009


Unfortunately girls are so clique-y at that age and it doesn't really get any better as the years go on.

I would encourage her to join clubs and sports she's interested in, she'll be forced to talk to the other girls then. Have a conversation with some teachers and maybe they can direct good partnerships for projects where they have to get together outside of school. It also never hurts to just have a get-together and invite some girls over. It could be a disaster or it could be awesome.

If she just learns to be okay in her own skin she'll connect with one or two good girlfriends. She just has to let her light shine.

I have 2 tomboyish girls, 14 & 11. I just tell them that they are spectacular and just work it. My 11 year old is a tough cookie, but she likes to look good. Just this year she's started hanging out with a couple of girls - after they all tried out for the basketball team. She used to cry about not having friends too. It isn't that everything changed overnight, but now she is invited places and some kids call the house. She still would rather just be with me though but as she matures she'll spread her wings more and more.

I can't stress enough the importance of extracurricular activites. I would also encourage her to talk to a female cousin to help her break out of her shell a bit.

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amanda9 December 4, 2009


well, i am a freshman in high school and ive experienced the things that go on in middle school and how some girls are different from the rest. I was practily the tomboy in my group. All my friends were wat u call "girly". They cared so much about there appearences n stuff like that. To me it wasnt as big of a deal, I just didnt really care but i ended up being with a group of chicks that were almost the complete opposite of me!

For your daughter, I think you should have a conversation with her and let her no dat she is no different from any of the other girls at school. She should learn to be her self at home, school, or anywhere else! That way her peers would she who she really is and someone would like that and would get close to her. Tell her that there is no need to stress out about it. That life always has its way, that she just has to wait for the moment in which it would happen! Wish u luck with your daughter!

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Tiffany6170 December 5, 2009


Thank you so much for your comment! What a mature young lady you are. I'm sure your parents are very proud of you. Good luck with school!!!

Tiffany

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natanhur December 5, 2009


My daughter had a tough time in 6th grade...but she made a few friends and that was important...and she had some friends from prior school, K-8...
I think that getting involved with one activity she loves is the key: my daughter is a singer/musical theater kid and she wound up starring in 7th grade and being very happy and accepted with great friends...
So...getting thru 6th grade is the deal...and all the suggestions above are very good!
My other daughter now in 7th at the same school had no transition problems...kids are different! :)
My own experience is that extracurricular was the savior: I loved that and it gave meaning to my school years.
So what does your daughter love...and do more of that!
L'Chaim!
Neal

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witsendmom December 5, 2009


My daughter is 12 years old and is also a tomboy. She tells me she doesn't like the color pink, because it's to girly. She also didn't have many friends and was always crying and upset about it, but know that she is in 7th grade, she has a lot of friends. I know it is upseting to you, because I used to get upset that she had no friends, but things will change. I tell my daughter all the time, that you can have 10 friends who aren't really true friends or you can have 1 friend who is your really best friend and you can trust.

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Tiffany6170 December 7, 2009


Witsendmom,
Thank you! I hope things change for her. She's pretty good about "rolling with the punches" so to speak, but it is upsetting. Is your daughter still a tomboy? I keep hoping my daughter will "grow out of it", but if she doesn't....she doesn't.There could be worse things. I tell her that as long as she's a good person and likes herself then others will like her too. She just needs to gain a little confidence, which hopefully will come with time. Thanks again for your comment. Tiffany6170

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Tiffany6170 December 7, 2009


Natanhur,
Thank you for your comment! I hope your right! I feel that if she just learns to like herself and gains a little confidence she'll be okay and people will accept her more. If someone puts her down or says something mean about her, she believes it. THATS what I need to get her to stop doing. She's a good kid and just needs to learn to "roll with the punches". We'll get through it.....hopefully!! LOL Have a great day!
Tiffany6170

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MSMomm December 7, 2009


My daughter, who's now 18, went through the same phase when she was younger. She also didn't like pink (she still doesn't), and was adverse to wearing dresses and skirts. This was hard while she was in grade school, since she went to a Catholic school, and they required the girls to wears skirts.

She now only wears girls clothes, while before, she wanted to wear boys clothes. For my daughter, she was very conscious of her weight. Her body type was, and still is, not very curvy. This could be genetic on her father's side. My daughter started getting interested in girly stuff around 11th grade. In her senior year, she became interested in running, and joined the SRLA to run the L.A. Marathon. Running helped her gain confidence in herself, and lost weight.

As others have said, one of the things that should help your daughter is having her participate in extracurricular activities, where she can shine by being herself and showing her talents. She'll probably, eventually, become more interested in girly stuff, but for now, help her focus on being her best.

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Tiffany6170 December 7, 2009


That's great advice. It's nice to hear that my daughter is not the only one going through this (and I'm not the only parent dealing with this either!). Thanks again and have a good day!

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GroovyMom1 December 17, 2009


... she sounds just like I was in school. I didn't care about my nails or if my jeans had holes in them... would drive my mom crazy!! I found that my closest friends were the people I had something in common with. I made really close relationships and found that there were a lot of girls just like me in Athletics.
And when I was about 13/14 I and all my 'tomboy' friends started to care about the girly stuff.
Keep in mind this was well before you Angel was born and I know times are much different... but she sounds like she would really excell in Athletics.
Best of luck to her. Even if she does feel alone, she certainly is not!!



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