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Advice how how to retain 8th grader due to upcoming move
jzmomof3 June 23, 2010
My family is going to be relocating for my husbands job in the next few months, time tbd. We live in CA and will stay in the state. My son just finished 8th grade. I would like to be able to hold him back in 8th grade and not have him start HS until next year. He is a good student, however he is young for his grade and socially and emotionally immature. I feel this move , along with these factors, will be detrimental to him. We do not know exactly where we are going to live yet, compounding all of our challenges as school starts in 2 motnhs. Has anyone successfully done this and if so how?
ddmcgee1 July 7, 2010
Why in the world would you voluntarily hold your child back if the school has passed him on?!? Boys mature slower than girls, he will mature soon enough. Dont rush him! As long as he is doing well with his grades you have nothing to worry about. Students have enough problems in school with peer pressure etc, without adding teasing from being held back. Work with your child and he will get it. There are plenty of tools that will assist you with keeping up with your childs grades and progress. If he gets a low grade then he can do grade forgiveness and redo the class. Give him time to mature.57968
lauradrops July 7, 2010
We had a very similar situation in 2002 with my son who was also very young for his grade. We moved and held my son back in 8th grade. It was the best thing we ever did for many reasons. For starters he was always stuggling to keep up in class. He was immature. He was at a disadvantage size wise for sports.(which was a very big part of his life) We also had to decide if it was appropriate for him to do his first college semester at age 17. 8 yrs. later we are still happy we did it. His self esteem is wonderful. he just finished his 2nd yr of suny buffalo with a 3.2 gpa. He had a very successful varsity sports career( with some college team offers) Her also never regretted it. I can only suggest you follow your instincts, no one wants the best for your son more than you. Good Luck!57970
miranda65 July 7, 2010
you are the person who knows your kid best. have you discussed the idea with him? he may have some thoughts as well about the move/school/etc.
take into consideration how he did in 8th grade the first time. perhaps a mulligan would give him confidence and help him with being more mature. maybe consult his teachers or guidance counselor from his previous school -- they may have some ideas about the concept.
i would not hold him back without consulting him and taking his pulse on the issue. if you want him to be part of the solution you need his buy-in on the process of making the decision.
57971
Pagengrey July 7, 2010
We wanted to hold back our son for 6th grade as he is emotionally immature and much smaller than his peers. He has been diagnosed with mild Asperger's so he doesn't take medication and he doesn't qualify for any special programs that isn't to say that if the school district would pay for them that he wouldn't benifit from them. We were fought at every level against holding him back including a hearing with the school board and at last were forced to place him in middle school. The first year of middle schoool was absolutely miserable for our child with every teacher telling us he is fine academically but he struggles in relationships with the other kids. He has been bullied in every way, isolated from former friends and made no new ones. My response is "really? is this not what we fought to avoid." The only solution offered to us is that he needs to just deal with it and figure it out. So the onus has been placed on a child who is impaired from just figuring it out himself and we have been given no other options. He is withdrawn, depressed, and absolutely hates going to school. He became frantic in the store the other day when he saw back to school supplies.
If you have any ability at all to force your school district into letting you do what you believe is right -Do it.! If that means private school then do it, if it means home school for a year and you can-do it. If it means choicing in to a school across town- do it. The worst thing in the world is knowing that something is wrong for your child and having no power, money or freedom to do anything about it.
We dread the coming 7th grade year and can only hope that the maturity fairy visits one night and our son grows a foot, grows abundant facial hair, and grows some ability to ward off the bullies all by himself so he is not chewed up and spit out for another 9 months of his life.
Good luck to you.57993
bcjohnson July 7, 2010
I'm with lauradrops. In nearly 20 years of experience in schools, as well as one of my own children, holding them back when you know it is the right thing to do is just about always the right thing to do. The move, a change in districts, will allow your son to make friends in 8th grade, and have a few to start high school with, rather than starting completely cold. 58002
betula1315 July 8, 2010
I agree with ddmcgee1. You would cause more troubles in your childe's teenager world if you have him repeat the current grade.
Good luck! 58018
TonySr July 8, 2010
This would be the biggest mistake you ever make. My wife did this to my daughter in the 8th and it devastated my daughter. She rebelled, become a drug addict and is now a meth addict. If he has passed his classes, the only way he will mature is to move on and learn. Holding him back will not make him mature.58022
GraceofGod July 12, 2010
Dear zjmomof3,
I had a parents who did that to me & I always felt that I was less intelligent then my classmates. I eventually got over it, but it was there in the back of my mind All Through High School.
Why not instead have some father/son time talking about the ups/downs of HS situations. How to deal with Bullies, How to carry himself to get the respect of his peers, How to & When to talk (respectfully to Girls). It seems to me that he would benefit more from how you and your husband help him cope with the change rather than holding him back. Give him the benefit of the doubt. The family that prays together can handle anything.
58109
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