"No! I don’t want to! Waahwaah!"

Good news, parents. If this sound eerily like your preschooler, don’t fret. Neuroscientists do not regard the shrieking lamentation as proof that your child is a "spoiled brat." A more accurate definition of the garden-variety tantrum is that the preschooler’s still-developing brain is overwhelmed by mental demands.

In other words, it is part and parcel of their cognitive stage.

The grey matter of three to five year olds is a rapidly-growing, dynamic, fluid, spontaneous, amazing work-in-progress that is . . . still quite unreasonable. We can’t ask preschool children to "think" like mature adults and we’ll actually delay development of their intelligence if we stress them out with unrealistic expectations.

Let’s dive deep into the preschooler’s skull and see what is biologically happening . . . Yikes! Whooa! Slow down! The neurological processing in the three-to-five-year old’s brain is twice as busy as that of a college student, and perhaps three times busier than an adult’s. A preschooler has 100 billion brain cells (neurons), with 77 percent in the cerebral cortex — the territory that handles language, math, memory, attention, and complex problem solving. The neurons are forming connections via their dendrites, skinny octopus arms that slither out to receive information from up to potentially 15,000 other cells, and axons — which transmit information from neurons to other cells. The connections between neurons — called synapses — eventually total up between 1,000 trillion (estimates vary).

The result of this massive mental exertion? Raging typhoons of bewildering data storm and flood the preschooler’s brain. Dikes break, emotions are swamped, tears cascade, screams explode. We all wept like preschoolers when we were in the same overloaded circumstances. Although we’ve forgotten our own meltdowns, we can help our children survive and thrive in this astonishing epoch of brain growth. Start by following these brain-booster guidelines.

Activate their minds

A youth human brain is a chaotic jungle of neurons getting "wired" together into intricate circuitry patterns. Early experiences have an enormous influence on children’s absorbent sponge-like brains and also strongly affect the way they mature. By providing everyday activities that arouse your child’s curiosity, you’re helping to create neural pathways that will increase their learning efficiency and capacity. Expose your preschooler to a variety of stimuli and allow your child hands-on interaction with three-dimensional materials. Cooking, finger-painting, clay construction, musical instruments, and going to festivals, petting zoos, museums, tide pools, concerts, and outdoor natural areas are all sensory-rich activities.

Be gentle

Children need to feel safe and confident. Stanford University research indicates that traumatic stress and fear can release toxic levels of the hormone cortisol, which can destroy neurons in the hippocampus, a region that supports factual and episodic memory.  You can minimize stress by giving your child positive, loving, sensitive, and encouraging feedback. Keep reprimands and threats to a minimum, avoid unnecessary power struggles, and shouting or spanking in discipline. Also, be patient about bedwetting, be sympathetic about fear of nightmares, the dark, and thunder-and-lighting storms, and allow your child to have a security object like a cozy blanket or a stuffed toy.

Chatter time

Preschool is prime time for auditory brain development. Supporting your child’s hearing and speaking helps construct strong neural circuitry for absorption of more language acquisition. Ideally, talk, sing, and read to your child in a voice that varies in pitch and rhythm and emphasizes important words. (If we mumble in a flat drone your child will get bored and not focus.) Try to ask open-ended questions that initiate thinking, explain "how things work," use high-level vocabulary, and regularly include your child in conversations that will help expand their vocabulary. Protect your child’s hearing by treating ear infections promptly, and encourage her to "use her words" instead of throwing tantrums. Preschool is also an ideal time to introduce a second language since the young, "plastic" brain absorbs language quickly.

Social graces

If possible, enroll your child in a quality preschool or schedule regular play dates with friends. Encourage your child’s fantasy play with friends — "pretend" games develop the brain’s verbal zones and enhance social skills in sharing, communication, and conflict resolution. Allow your child to have "imaginary friends" for the same reason, but remember, preschoolers have difficulty separating reality from make-believe, so don’t call them "liars" if they insist that their stories are "true."

Focus and the preschooler’s brain

A three- to five-year-old child might pay attention for five to 10 minutes, at best. Demanding sustained concentration on a task will frustrate both of you, but you can help your child improve his brain’s working memory via games and activities that demand attention control. Recommended are checkers, tic-tac-toe, Candy Land, Chutes ‘N’ Ladders, age-appropriate puzzles, and concentration — the card game in which you flip over face-down cards and try to match pairs. Praise your child for hard work, and model self-control in your own behavior.

Categorize the world

By the age of four, many circuits in the brain’s cortex are formed for math and logic. To develop this center, encourage your child to compare, collect, and label objects and events in the world that she’s curious about. Do counting games, and teach the methods of classification, like big/little, long/short, shapes, colors, weight, height, and temperature.

Digest this

For optimal brain growth, feed your child a balanced, nutritious variety of vegetables, fruit, whole grains, dairy, and meat. Perfect brain food includes egg yolk, fatty meat, and soybeans contain choline, the building block for the neurotransmitter acetylocholine, which is crucial in memory function. It’s also crucial to limit their intake of candy, cookies, fruit juice, and sugary, and salty junk food that is only "empty calories" devoid of essential nutrition. A recent Bristol University study indicated that young children fed junk food developed IQs up to five points lower than healthy eaters, because they consumed insufficient vitamins and minerals for optimal brain growth. Learn more tips on great brain food for your child.

Body building

Ideally, young kids should get at least 30 minutes a day to run and play outside. John Ratey MD, author of Spark, calls exercise "Miracle-Gro for the brain" because it elevates neurotransmitters and stimulates neuron growth. Swings, rocking toys, and spinning equipment are developmentally productive by stimulating different parts of the brain at the same time; building new pathways; and enhancing learning potential, spatial awareness, and rhythm. Full-body sports like soccer, swimming, yoga, gymnastics and dance are also valuable brain-building exercises.

Rare TV

An article published in the journal Pediatrics by University of Washington researchers concluded, "early television exposure is associated with attentional problems . . . efforts to limit television viewing in early childhood may be warranted." Deleterious results can be hyperactivity and shortened attention spans. Avoid this by limiting TV to one hour per day, and don’t enroll in preschools that place kids in front of a screen. Positive programs can be found on National Geographic, Discovery Channel, and many short, easily-absorbed clips on YouTube.

More resources:

Your Child’s Growing Mind: Brain Development and Learning From Birth to Adolescence, by Jane M. Healy, Ph.D
Intelligence and How to Get It, by Richard E. Nisbett
Help Your Preschooler Build a Better Brain: Early Learning Activities for 2-6 Year Old Children, by John Bowman
Seven Times Smarter: 50 Activities, Games, and Projects to Develop the Seven Intelligences of Your Child, by Laurel Schmidt